Megan Griffith (she/her): Good morning.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Hello, Hi, everybody!
Megan Griffith (she/her): Hello! Hello! Welcome to day like 5 or 6. But technically day 3 of audio. HD love.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Thank you all. So much for your patience and your kindness and your understanding, and I am so sorry again for the mix up and the confusion. But I am here, and I'm super excited to do hot seat coaching. So that's what we're doing tonight. Basically, anybody who would like to come off mute or get coached in the chat either way is fine with me. If you have specific questions about relationships, about unmasking about.
Megan Griffith (she/her): you know self acceptance to different degrees, and how that affects relationships, and all of that good stuff really kind of anything is fair game. As I mentioned, when my husband was on and we were chatting. Dating is not always my expertise. I got very lucky in the dating department, but,
Megan Griffith (she/her): I am happy to do my best.
Megan Griffith (she/her): so we will give people just another minute to hop on, and then we can just hop on into it. If you have something you want to get coached on in the chat. Feel free to start typing now, if you like.
Megan Griffith (she/her): that totally works for me.
Megan Griffith (she/her): But yeah, how's everybody doing? How's everybody's Monday?
Megan Griffith (she/her): Good evening, Fonda.
Megan Griffith (she/her): My day's been good, busy, but good.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I have butter chicken waiting for me when I'm done so. I'm excited for that.
Megan Griffith (she/her): We love Curry in this house
Megan Griffith (she/her): uneventful, just replied, from tech to texts, from the weekend, yeah, good for you, good for you, keeping up on the communication, because, oof Heaven knows that is not my strong suit.
Megan Griffith (she/her): There was something you mentioned last meeting that profoundly resonated with me. I'd love if you could touch more on that. Absolutely. Yeah, we can definitely do that.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Hey, Amy?
Megan Griffith (she/her): Okay, well, let's go ahead and dive on into it. It's 8 0, 3. Yeah. So if you have questions, you can drop them in the chat or yeah, we can do hot seat coaching on that fonda. Feel free. If you want to come off mute, you can, or if you want to do it in the chat that that works too, either way.
Fonda Neal: No, I can't type that fast.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Totally.
Fonda Neal: So when you said, and I think it was around
Fonda Neal: the conversation about like, you guys have been married for 8 years. You've been together for 14
Fonda Neal: and maybe someone asked the question. I don't know. Maybe it was me about like when you guys met.
Fonda Neal: And and so you said, your person is not someone you find.
Fonda Neal: It's who you choose, over and over and over again, and I was like
Fonda Neal: that was so profound to me. And then you went on to say, you know, like the butterflies aren't the bread and butter
Fonda Neal: meaning, you know. It's not everything right like it's it helps, but it's not everything, and and I think you're
Fonda Neal: Your husband said no, you said like you still have the butter like you still get the butterflies which I was like. Oh, that is so awesome.
Fonda Neal: And then you know, just understanding you're not going to agree on everything. And so
Fonda Neal: you know, that really resonates so much with me, because, as someone you know, late diagnosed
Fonda Neal: in my fifties with Adhd neurodiversion in general.
Fonda Neal: and I look back on people that I dated in the past, and why those relationships didn't work and like why my 1st marriage did. Well.
Fonda Neal: I can't even count that, because he was controlling, and we were married like 2 years on paper, and we just shouldn't have got married. But
Fonda Neal: like looking at my current situation, you know, my current spouse, who will become an ex-spouse pretty soon, you know, and I'm and I'm looking at myself like looking inward. And then, I think
Fonda Neal: you know, should I? You know? Does it have to be?
Fonda Neal: Does it have to be someone else who's neurodivergent to get me and understand me?
Megan Griffith (she/her): And.
Fonda Neal: Or or not, just someone who
Fonda Neal: gets me and understand me, whether they're neurodiversion or not.
Fonda Neal: and that person who will choose me over and over again, and then I wonder?
Fonda Neal: I mean because
Fonda Neal: I can't seem to have a successful marriage to save my life, you know. Do the butterflies like
Fonda Neal: like, is it not? Is it normal to? Not always.
Fonda Neal: you know. Yes, you're compatible. And I would say, you know, like compatibility has to be there, and connection has to be there, and love has to be there, and communication, you know all the things right that make for a successful, healthy relationship.
Fonda Neal: But if the spark goes away.
Fonda Neal: then is it? Is that normal? And if that is normal, then is it that all of the other things that you have that make up that great relationship is what sustains you.
Fonda Neal: And then when you throw in neurodivergence in the, in the in the pot, right? And then it's is it, because
Fonda Neal: all of the other things the love, the compatibility, the you know, even if the
Fonda Neal: butterflies, you know the butterflies wax and wane. I guess you know I don't know. I don't know if I'm making sense, but I just I just would love for you to just sort of
Fonda Neal: maybe touch more on more on
Fonda Neal: that person is not someone you find. It's someone that
Fonda Neal: you know in terms of, like how it, how it it's
Fonda Neal: it's been, you know good for your marriage. And then, just.
Fonda Neal: you know, maybe dispelling some of these negative thoughts that I have around
Fonda Neal: finding, you know, because I always thought like, oh, I need to find my person, because I guess I always felt like there's someone out there like my person is out there, or is it just not really my person. It's just the person that I choose.
Fonda Neal: you know, and chooses me.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Exactly. Yeah. Cause I think something that really cements that idea in my head that we don't have like one person out there for us is like, if I get hit by a bus tomorrow. I hope that, Adam remarries, you know, I hope, that he finds another person and chooses them, and I hope that she chooses him. And all this stuff, you know, like.
Megan Griffith (she/her): So I think he would choose to love again, and that would mean he would just find someone else and choose that person over and over the way that he chose me over and over. And so like, I think a lot of us were like, Oh, well, of course, if I like died, my spouse would probably find somebody, or if my spouse died, I would probably find somebody. But when we're single we're like, no, there's no one there for me, and it's like, wait
Megan Griffith (she/her): like both of those like. Those are not the same. So I think that helps me a little bit, and I was very much raised with the idea that, like butterflies are nice and they're important, and
Megan Griffith (she/her): all relationships lose the spark, you know, for periods of time, like.
Fonda Neal: Okay.
Megan Griffith (she/her): My husband really struggles with the newborn stage with kids. He just he really wants to be able to talk to them. And you can't. You can't reason with a newborn at all. Obviously
Megan Griffith (she/her): right.
Megan Griffith (she/her): And so he just struggles with it a lot. It's hard on him, and so that is always every time we have a kiddo like that's always a period where our spark kind of goes away, because I'm taking on so much more work. And I'm just annoyed with him, and I've like he knows this. I've told him this
Megan Griffith (she/her): so like the spark goes away, and it's not even because I just had a baby or something. It's because he, you know, struggles to do some of the important caretaking during that time. And all of this stuff. Not that I'm ever left out hanging out to dry, or anything. But you know or like.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I know, there are periods of time where the spark goes away for him when I'm I'm prone to a lot of obsession like obsessive thinking is a big problem for me, and when I get really obsessive for months on end. I know that that dampers his spark for me, and, like, you know.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I guess I was always raised to believe like the spark is.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Think of it like starting a campfire. It's a lot easier to do when you've got dry wood, and it's not raining, and then there's going to be times when it's fucking, raining, and it's it's just gonna be gone. But that doesn't mean fire ceases to exist. It just means you can't make one right now.
Fonda Neal: And so so as you're talking, I'm thinking about so like, I have Adhd, inattentive Adhd. And
Fonda Neal: you know I've been married now for 14 years actually. And
Fonda Neal: you know, and I'm like, is it? Now, there, don't get me wrong there, you know there's the communication
Fonda Neal: sucks. It's sucked for my son is 12 years old, and like we've been living like roommates for
Fonda Neal: 12 years.
Fonda Neal: And it's like so so their reasons for this separation and an impending divorce.
Fonda Neal: But I also can't help but to think.
Fonda Neal: Does my Adhd have anything to do with this like
Fonda Neal: like? Why, you know, why do not I not have the ability to make this spark return?
Fonda Neal: Does it have anything to do with me and my neurodivergence as to why.
Fonda Neal: you know, I mean, I feel like I've done all that, I mean, and you know there's without even going into it like there's a whole, you know. I think he's narcissistic, like all kinds of different things, you know. But then I you know, he had a hard time with my misophonia, and understanding. Why sounds, you know his sounds, you know. Trigger me, and
Fonda Neal: you know, and smells, and he can't cook anything in the house, because my, you know, I'm triggered by, you know, different fragrances. And so it's just so complicated. It's just I just feel like.
Fonda Neal: does my Adhd have anything to do with this? And then going into another relationship.
Fonda Neal: You know, I go back to what you said. It's like, well, maybe they don't have to be neurodivergent to accept this about me.
Fonda Neal: They just need to choose me.
Fonda Neal: Yeah. And what sounds like.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I mean, okay, so a couple of things Adhders are statistically far more likely to get a divorce in their lifetime. So that's not just you right for so many reasons. Right? Some of it is. We can hyper fixate on a person and think that they're like our person. And then the hyper fixation ends.
Fonda Neal: Right.
Megan Griffith (she/her): It's so, it's unfair to us. It's unfair to them. It's it's a mess right? That's not a good feeling.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Also we experience a lot of rejection, sensitivity, and that can make relationships very hard to sustain, because sometimes your partner is gonna be annoyed with you, and it doesn't mean they hate you, but we don't always know that.
Megan Griffith (she/her): so there's lots of reasons for it, for sure. But you are super, not alone in that regard at all, you know so many Adhd years experience, divorce, we just do
Megan Griffith (she/her): And so you're not alone. And I also want to say, like, if it's felt like you and your soon to be ex partner. Have been roommates for 12 years. It sounds like there's been a lot of, you know, just not choosing each other for whatever reason. And
Megan Griffith (she/her): yeah, maybe you guys could choose to choose each other. But it sounds like you've kind of come to a point where it's like, well, maybe we should go choose other people, you know.
Fonda Neal: You're right. It's like I'm audience
Fonda Neal: being unhappy and like, I just want to live the balance of my days
Fonda Neal: happy, and we both deserve that. And our son does not deserve to see this dysfunctional relationships.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Yes, yeah.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I think our neurodivergence can play a part in our relationship struggles. But that doesn't make them our fault. Does that make sense like there's a distinction there like
Megan Griffith (she/her): like blame doesn't really belong on one person's shoulders. I think most of the time when relationships dissolve. I think usually there's a mixture of things, and
Megan Griffith (she/her): that doesn't mean no one did anything wrong. Maybe we did, but also like I don't think it's
Megan Griffith (she/her): fair to say like, oh, well, I have Adhd, so I'm never going to be a good partner, or I, you know, am autistic, so I no one's ever going to choose me. I don't believe that for most, you know most of the time, unless unless you're someone who doesn't want a relationship which is also totally fine. You know.
Fonda Neal: And I think you know I can't help but think he might be neurodivergent, and he will never know, because he is not open to going to see a therapist.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Hmm.
Fonda Neal: He's fifties 7,
Fonda Neal: and like he. And so I mean he he I mean some things that he I mean. I think he's narcissistic, but he could be.
Fonda Neal: you know, like I remember when we dated, and he would stare at me, which I thought was weird.
Fonda Neal: And I'm like we're trying to get to know each other. And so I'm doing all the talking and asking all the questions and and like eventually I pointed out like.
Fonda Neal: Why are you just staring at me. And he's like, because
Fonda Neal: something like, you know, because you're pretty or you're beautiful or something like that. And I'm like, but we're trying to get to know each other. So I saw the need. So I started asking open-ended questions to try to pull. Now he's a quiet guy, like really quiet, which is like he really quiet. But
Fonda Neal: you know he's in a fraternity, so he knows how to talk, and he's a manager on his job. So he, you know, manages people. So he he talks.
Fonda Neal: But he just did, you know. And so yeah, I mean, maybe there's some. And just maybe we just didn't mesh
Fonda Neal: with our if he is neurodivergent, you know.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Oh, absolutely. I mean 2 neurodivergent people. 1st of all, neurodivergence is a huge umbrella. Narcissism is included under it, you know. So like it.
Megan Griffith (she/her): You could have 2 people who are completely different. And like they're both neurodivergent or heck. You could even have 2 people with the exact same neurotype.
Megan Griffith (she/her): But they just aren't a good match for each other, you know, and that happens, too. So, like Amy was saying in the chat, there's the neurodivergent, neurodivergent situation where you know it's awesome, but it's also not awesome. You have 2 hurt, traumatized people trying to make room for each other's trauma, and that is, that is hard. And so it, in my opinion, I think all relationships are hard and all relationships are easy, like, if that makes any sense like.
Megan Griffith (she/her): if your relationship doesn't have some ease sometimes. Then it's probably the wrong one, you know, like, that's how I feel. But also, if it's easy all the time someone's lying.
Megan Griffith (she/her): you know. At least, that's how I interpret it, like not necessarily cheating or something. But someone is denying their own needs. If everyone's just everything's just fine all the time, like.
Fonda Neal: Yeah, yeah.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Now.
Fonda Neal: That's not.
Megan Griffith (she/her): How this works.
Fonda Neal: Not really.
Megan Griffith (she/her): So, yeah.
Fonda Neal: Okay.
Megan Griffith (she/her): So like it should be hard, and it should be easy like it should be both just in different seasons.
Fonda Neal: Gotcha. Okay, that's awesome. Thank you.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Yeah, yeah, of course.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Yeah, Jamie says, unlearning that conflict means a bad relationship. Yeah, like.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I don't know. I always think of this John Green Video that he made way back in the day. It was probably like 2017 or something, but they've been on the Internet so long.
Megan Griffith (she/her): but he was talking about his son, and his son was like, Yeah, I got bit by an Aunt, Daddy. It felt like this, and he pinched his Dad
Megan Griffith (she/her): and he, John, was like, that's exactly what humans have to do. We can't.
Megan Griffith (she/her): We can't make someone else feel the way we feel. So we have to approximate it, and we have to. Sometimes when we get hurt, we hurt other people because
Megan Griffith (she/her): it's the only way we know how to feel mirrored, how to feel seen and like.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I think, conflict is just a necessary part of connecting with another person. But I think a lot of us
Megan Griffith (she/her): a lot of us. So here's this whole thing.
Megan Griffith (she/her): A lot of neurodivergent people, neurodivergence, or at least autism and Adhd, for sure, are hereditary to some degree. Right. So a lot of us come from unhealed, unrecognized
Megan Griffith (she/her): audio. HD parents right? And
Megan Griffith (she/her): we were not modeled. Healthy conflict. We were only modeled unhealthy conflict, and as a result. We think all conflict is unhealthy, and that's like, not, that's not it.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Conflict was so hard for me because my parents never modeled. Yeah, that's exactly what I was saying. Amy, yeah, absolutely so.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Oi Oi, Oi, Oi, okay.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Who else would like some hot seat coaching?
Megan Griffith (she/her): We can do chat. We can come off mute.
Amy: Can I go? I don't wanna jump in, but.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Oh, you're fine!
Amy: I mean, I did want to speak to that experience that I brought up in the chat. Because I feel like it's the.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Yeah.
Amy: It's the 1st example of me actually being in a relationship where I'm confronting my neurodivergence like even knowing what it is. And that being the result, I mean, I mean, we can recognize there's been such an explosion in the last, I think, couple of years, I'd say, like during like post covid, maybe even of people discovering that they're neurodivergent and
Amy: going
Amy: decades, not having the vocabulary for any of this until very recently. And that that's what happened for me was, I knew there was something, but I just didn't have words.
Amy: There were neurodivergent people in my family, but they were. And I'm going to just use words that were used as to not offend anyone, but they were just labeled as crazy and like problematic, and if they would just stop being so attention seeking, they would fix their own problem.
Megan Griffith (she/her): So like that being
Amy: Communicated to me, growing up as in like your cousin has. Tourette's but it's because she
Amy: isn't getting enough attention from her parents because they're getting divorced.
Amy: So it's it's a failing like it's seen as a failing. It's seen as a negative thing. So anyway, so pushing all of that down and trying to develop this sort of perfect
Amy: like version of myself that did not exist. I mean, I was not a perfect child. I was not a perfect adolescent.
Amy: and I tried to be a perfect adult and failed miserably, and had relationships with people where I just was like.
Amy: what is going on like like we cannot we? We just cannot get it together like there's so much animosity, there's so much anger like
Amy: what is what is going on. And then people coming to me like later, after the relationship ended, and being like, Oh, I discovered I have Asperger's, or I discovered I might be autistic, and and me being like, Yeah, that makes a lot of sense like something was, and never seeing it like in myself, which was so bizarre.
Amy: So I married my husband in 2019, even then didn't know we had been together for like 3 years before that. And then he got his Adhd diagnosis, and I was just like, Okay, wow, like, I guess I can see that that makes a lot of sense.
Amy: And then just everything he was like talking to me about
Amy: I was like that is, that's me.
Amy: like all of that is me, like some of the things that you are like are not me, but like
Amy: these things are me. And like, really, was that really what it was like
Amy: all along? And it's just like the growth in like realizing, hey? Like. I don't have to be a perfect human like I can just be who I am.
Amy: and that.
Amy: like I have a name for it. I have a word for it, and that we can both be like imperfect together, was actually just like life, changing like in in positive and negative ways, like both of us have had to cut out relative family relationships because people just did not get that. We were done like being people, pleasers being doormats.
Amy: That was often our role in our relationships with other people. And then, when we stopped doing those things, they were very unhappy
Amy: is another thing. It's like. And we had learned, a lot of both of us had learned to cope with conflict in that way. If someone's angry at us, we either like shut down or we turn, we get very small, or we hide, or we disappear, or
Amy: or or we lash out and get very angry and defensive, or whatever, but like not knowing that that wasn't like healthy, that that was just like who we were forced to be in those situations anyway.
Amy: So so being together and being neurodivergent honestly, has been like a growth
Amy: like we've grown a lot as people. But it's been. It's I'm not gonna lie like it's been a headache. It's been hard like it's been an uphill battle of like
Amy: like, what is that supposed to means and like, what are you trying to say? And insinuating. And and, you know, like no like, can we just shoot straight like? Can we get to the point where we're both just like shooting straight arrows at each other.
Amy: getting to the heart of like what the conflict's about.
Amy: You know you didn't throw away the the you didn't throw away the leftovers in the fridge. So what? You know, what I mean, like those little teeny, tiny things. And then, yeah, the big things. But
Amy: but like, I don't think being neurodivergent and being with someone neurodivergent like makes conflict go away
Amy: by any means.
Amy: It just makes you recognize more that like, there's a lot of wiggle room for like how you can be as a human being, and you're not shoved in a box of like.
Amy: I'm a good little wifey, and I do what he tells me to do, and that's how we keep things together, you know. Anyway, I've rambled on enough. But
Amy: but I just wanted to speak to that. It's been.
Amy: It's been good and hard, so.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Yeah, absolutely. I I completely understand that. I think like.
Megan Griffith (she/her): even though me and Adam are like, he's neurotypical and stuff. I like.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I have friends and stuff who are also neurodivergent. And sometimes we just have opposing needs and like that can be really tricky, like, you know, where it's like, okay, I want to accommodate you. But I also need to accommodate me. And like, we literally can't do both. Like, how do we do this? So yeah, it can be hard sometimes, and like you said, making space for both people's trauma and all of this. And like.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Yeah, I think, addressing the what Adam calls the trauma translator like that has gotten us so much further in our relationship than anything else. It's just like, okay. Megan has a little box in her brain that transforms relatively innocent, maybe slightly passive, aggressive stuff into like doomsday level bullshit. And like.
Megan Griffith (she/her): if we can, just you know what's the word deactivate trauma translator, or at least talk through it like, put it through a million times until it comes out closer to what it started with. So yeah.
Megan Griffith (she/her): yeah.
Amy: Like, I just want to say one thing that I know. This just comes up a lot because it comes from all the work and the therapy and all this stuff. But it's just kind of like our conversations went from like, why are you doing that? And that? Why are you saying it like that. And and then over the years, it's become like man, you know. My mom must have said something like this to my dad, because that explains why I feel like this right now.
Amy: Yeah.
Amy: I was like, Oh, yeah, well, like, this is exactly how my dad would have reacted. So I'm not gonna react that way like that's literally how we have conversations when we're in conflict. It's so crazy.
Amy: But in a good way.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Yeah. Oh, for sure.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Well, thank you for sharing.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Yeah. I wanna address what Deidre was saying over here.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I feel like I found myself in a lot of fast moving situationships that weren't right for me, and ultimately caused a lot of pain. I felt like a wave of destruction for a long time. Just a mess of a person who'd never find love like not even knowing what love really is or what it means. Yeah.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I think a lot of neurodivergent people. We can. I mean, we can show up in relationships in all kinds of different ways. For some of us it looks like avoiding relationships. For some of us it looks like jumping into them very, very quickly and jumping hard.
Megan Griffith (she/her): And neither one of those is better or worse. By the way, I think especially like women or female presenting folks tend to get very, very shamed for jumping into relationships really quick, whereas, like men are like praised for having one night stands.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Who are they having them with, you know? Like I'm so confused. I mean, I know I'm not confused. It's about conquest, I get it. But like I hate it. So
Megan Griffith (she/her): 1st of all, I think identifying that the patriarchy is at play here can help, because it.
Megan Griffith (she/her): It takes some of the pressure and pain and responsibility off of your shoulders, especially because, Deidre, I know that you loathe the patriarchy so like finding and acknowledging the ways in which it's hurting you is
Megan Griffith (she/her): helpful, I think, right that way. You can identify the enemy here, and it's the enemy. Is not you right? The enemy is not you. And I'm not saying you're completely blameless, or whatever. But
Megan Griffith (she/her): I also don't think that rushing into relationships is a crime, you know. I think it can cause a lot of pain, and it can be destructive for sure. But also we all of our coping mechanisms, even the worst ones started out as adaptive in some way
Megan Griffith (she/her): right? And so, maybe jumping into these situationships like helped you. Maybe it was essential at that time.
Megan Griffith (she/her): and that's just what you needed. And now, maybe it's less essential. And now is the time to break some of those patterns. Don't beat yourself up for not.
Megan Griffith (she/her): It's like when you read a book.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Very few people just skip to the end and read the last chapter.
Megan Griffith (she/her): That's not the point, like, yes, you can figure out what happened. But the point is the context, the point is the journey. And so, like you as a person, are the same way.
Megan Griffith (she/her): You don't need to skip ahead to the part where you're perfect.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Allow yourself to be messy. Allow yourself to be human, you know.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Alright! Hold on! I missed a couple of things. That would be a good cue. What does love mean? And what does it look like at different relationship levels? Yeah, Jamie, that makes sense, I mean.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I don't know for me, at least, when Adam and I 1st said, I love you. It was the middle of the night we were texting at like 3 in the morning he was at college. I was at home living with my parents still, because I was still in high school. It was his 1st year of college, and we were texting. We had been dating for like 4 or 5 months, I think.
Megan Griffith (she/her): and he was like, hey?
Megan Griffith (she/her): I think I love you.
Megan Griffith (she/her): and I was like, can I call you? And of course he starts panicking. I was like, I just want to say I love you out loud, but he's like, Oh, no, she wants to break up with me now, anyway, it was the whole thing.
Megan Griffith (she/her): but I think that period was lots of butterflies mixed with lots of doubt I was like, should I be saying I love you to this person? What if I don't like. I think I do. But what if I don't, you know?
Megan Griffith (she/her): And so that's kind of what love looked like at the beginning, it was like, Hey, I really care about you, and, like I,
Megan Griffith (she/her): your
Megan Griffith (she/her): making you happy or making you smile like, is one of the most important things I do in my day.
Megan Griffith (she/her): and like that was what love felt like at the beginning.
Megan Griffith (she/her): And then love morphed, especially as my mental health started to fall apart. Love morphed into something
Megan Griffith (she/her): more along the lines of like.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I need you like, I I really need to know that someone loves me and not just someone but you, because I trust that you have good judgment, and if you love me, then I must be lovable. If that makes sense. That might be a little codependent. I'm not gonna lie. I deal with some codependency issues. So you know.
Megan Griffith (she/her): and then I guess it morphed. You know, once we got married and had kids, and my mental health started improving. Love really felt a lot more like you're interesting, and I like you. I could talk to you forever. I'm so glad I get to talk to you forever like. So I guess that's kind of I don't know. Maybe that's overly simplistic, but that's sort of what love has felt like at different stages of our relationship for me, anyway, and
Megan Griffith (she/her): I guess love is just like
Megan Griffith (she/her): I don't know. Adam's my best friend
Megan Griffith (she/her): can tell him literally anything, and it doesn't always have to be bad. Sometimes it's just weird, or sometimes it's good, you know, and I I think he tells me just about everything, too, you know. And
Megan Griffith (she/her): yeah, yeah.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I used to joke that my way of flirting with people is to ignore them. Oh, no, Jamie. Oh, dear!
Megan Griffith (she/her): Oh, boy.
Megan Griffith (she/her): 1120, 16 was, you're the best person ever love in 2025. You suck sometimes, but I still like knowing you and living with you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I'm an introvert, but I'm cool talking one on one. I love one on one just don't know how to get there. Yeah, I dated a guy I was in high school with. I met a couple of guys while in college, and dated one of them. I met my ex spouse at a nightclub I met my current spouse at church. I think of, I think, friends of friends. Yeah, that's true. Friends of friends. That's a great way, because, like, when you start dating a close friend, it's always like, I don't want to lose the friendship, and that's really stressful. But friends of friends, that's nice. That's a good one.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I'm trying. I have a tendency to want to run away and escape rather than work through problems. That's the hardest part I love my partner, but it's so hard to talk, especially when I take so long to process emotions. That's where I really recommend the texting thing like I said, like Adam, and I will still text sometimes like when I get really overwhelmed, and I can't. I can't have the in person out loud conversation. I just can't do it.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I just text him. And I'm like, Hey, I'm very nervous about sending this to you. I've been hesitating over the send button for 10 min. I love you, but like this is how I feel, and I'm kind of mad, but I don't want to be mad at you, but I am, and we need to deal with it. And like, you know, it just is what it is like. Yeah. So
Megan Griffith (she/her): I really recommend that, especially if you take a long time to process emotions that's totally normal and fine. Right?
Megan Griffith (she/her): Even with texting. Yeah, I struggle to confront the difficulties. So it sounds like Deidre. Maybe you need to start.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I don't wanna say like, start on your own and then branch out to the relationship. But like
Megan Griffith (she/her): we gotta start dealing with some of these avoidance behaviors. Right? This like reluctance to acknowledge problems right?
Megan Griffith (she/her): Because I know that you are good at acknowledging problems in like work areas in areas of disability in areas of like helping others. Right? You're good at helping them acknowledge their problems and whatnot. But
Megan Griffith (she/her): I understand that in a romantic relationship that's so different and so hard, you know. So it sounds like, maybe there just needs to be
Megan Griffith (she/her): like
Megan Griffith (she/her): like my form of avoidance. When I was younger, and me and Adam's relationship was a lot younger as well.
Megan Griffith (she/her): My form of avoidance was like making it all about me
Megan Griffith (she/her): right like I would cry and sob, and
Megan Griffith (she/her): you know, say, like, Oh, you're gonna leave me like you should leave me like it was. It was kind of manipulative, and it wasn't manipulative implies intent which I don't love, because I did not intend to manipulate, but it was very lopsided right? There wasn't a lot of room for him to be a person, and there was a ton of room for me to be a messy person, and so like.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I understand, not wanting to do that, but at the same time
Megan Griffith (she/her): I think your partner would rather you be messy and selfish with them than lose you.
Megan Griffith (she/her): because you can't communicate about what's going on.
Megan Griffith (she/her): and I know that that feels weird to a lot of us. But like.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I'm pretty messy. Yeah, same, I'm a messy bitch.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I think
Megan Griffith (she/her): there's a level of trust there where it's like, I trust that they want to be with me more than they want to be with the perfect version of me
Megan Griffith (she/her): that's really hard and scary, really hard and scary.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I wanna be friends with my spouse and best friends as well. The best, but at least friends, for sure. Yeah, no, I mean
Megan Griffith (she/her): I have best friends for sure, like when I say best friend, I do not mean like the one singular, only best friend. I don't believe in that. I have multiple, best friends, and they are my best friends, and like they're great. But my husband's 1 of them for sure. And like, I tell people when they're like, Oh, can I tell you a secret? And I'm like.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I'm gonna tell Adam. So I I don't keep secrets from my husband. Period full. Stop now. I won't tell anybody else, but like I'm gonna tell Adam, and like, if you don't want me to tell him that's fine, but then you can't tell me, because I don't like that feeling of like not being able to tell my spouse something.
Megan Griffith (she/her): or like, if it's a surprise of some kind, of course that's different. But like, you know.
Megan Griffith (she/her): or if it's a limited time secret like, Hey, I need you to just not tell Adam for like a week like maybe I could stomach that. But like I, I don't keep secrets from husband period. Full. Stop.
Megan Griffith (she/her): so. But yeah, best friends like, I don't know. I can't imagine not being best friends with the person I live with like that would be lonely. I think I think it would feel very lonely to live with someone and not be best friends like in college. I lived with my best friends, and then I lived alone for a year, and it was the worst my mental health has ever been.
Megan Griffith (she/her): And then I lived with my husband. And it was amazing.
Megan Griffith (she/her): So yeah, damn, I'm so scared of that. Yeah, which part, Yvonne.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I find the my partners, my best friend thinks so foreign.
Yvonne F (윤혜경): I think I'm scared of like the whole.
Yvonne F (윤혜경): I'm gonna tell my husband so don't tell me if you want it to be a secret thing like I'm very much like, no, if this is between us, this is between us, and I realize that that's not how everyone operates. I found that out recently. And I'm like, Oh, that's actually really scary. Now, I just don't want to tell anybody anything, because it might go into their partner's ears, too. I'm like I don't
Yvonne F (윤혜경): like that. Well.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I'm always upfront about it. I would never tell someone's secret without telling them like I'm gonna tell my husband like, you know, I would never like. Oh, this is a secret. Okay. Tell me. Oh, by the way, I'm gonna tell my partner like no like it's always upfront. But yeah, I, and I don't think everybody's like that. I think there's lots of partnerships where that's not how they operate. But for me and Adam transparency is really important.
Yvonne F (윤혜경): Also just want to like. Point out that I did leave something in the chat a bit earlier. You might have missed it.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I think you did. Yes, you're right. You're right. Let me see if I can find it.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Okay.
Megan Griffith (she/her): open to anyone to answer. How do you all find people? I'm introverted? Don't know how to meet people. Dating apps have been useless. Yeah, I don't understand how people have had multiple relationships in their life. I can't even find one person to go on a date with. It's very disheartening. I don't want to give up, but I don't have the skills to find the 1st step. Yeah, I know I won't literally die if I don't find someone. But I'm never going to be okay with being single for the rest of my life. I don't want that for me
Megan Griffith (she/her): that you know that, Yvonne. I think that that's really really powerful in that you're like. No, I want my person like I think that's fine. I think our society especially tells us especially tells women and femme presenting folks that, like
Megan Griffith (she/her): you know your purpose in life is to meet someone.
Megan Griffith (she/her): and that sucks, but also like, if you want it too much, then you're like clingy and terrible, too. And it's like we can't win. There's no winning. It's very irritating. So no, I'm glad that you know that you want a person you want to find and choose your person.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I'm trying to think I know
Megan Griffith (she/her): this might be like different like, I said. Dating advice is not always my strong suit, because Adam and I did meet relatively young. But Adam is like
Megan Griffith (she/her): my 1st boyfriend, and I'm started dating at 17, which I know sounds relatively young and is relatively young, but like in high school that I was weird. I was the weird kid who had never dated anybody ever like at all. I mean, I went on, 2 dates which I can tell you guys about, because, Adam, they are pretty funny. But anyway,
Megan Griffith (she/her): and like, I recognize that that's different. If you're like in your twenties or in your thirties. And you're like, Well, I've never dated anybody that's really different than being 17 and not having dated anybody, and I do get that. I appreciate the difference. But I think like
Megan Griffith (she/her): it's easier to meet people in high school. Did I tell you guys this, the the study that found it takes about 200 h to become close friends with someone
Megan Griffith (she/her): 200 h and like in school. That's like 2 months
Megan Griffith (she/her): out of high school that could take years, you know, and like, let alone like. And if you want to date, someone who feels like a friend like that could take time. And that's so irritating like, especially for a lot of audience. I think we tend to be very black and white, and so like we tend to just like click with somebody or not. But I do think we still need to put in that time to a certain extent.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Yeah, adult friends are hard, let alone a partner, you know.
Megan Griffith (she/her): And so I think
Megan Griffith (she/her): I'm trying to think so. I literally met. I met a new friend, obviously not a romantic situation. I guess not. Obviously I could be, Polly, but I'm not but I met a new friend at a coffee shop the other day. I was just at a coffee shop. She walked in. She had a very new, fresh little baby. She just happened to sit next to me, and we didn't like chat or anything. I was working on my book and stuff. But then, as I was going to leave, no, I just thought this nudge. You guys ever get nudges like.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I guess intuition. I don't know. But I got this nudge that was like this person needs you to reach out right now. And I was like, Hey, like, how goes the new baby life? You know I've got twins at home and all that stuff, and we chatted for like 2 min, and I was like, Hey, you know, like making mom friends sucks like, if you ever want to hang out sometime we can. And she was like that would be great, and we texted she was going through some postpartum depression and all this stuff, and like.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I don't know. Sometimes it just takes a moment of stupid bravery, of just like pointless like this could be nothing but, like you, just follow the intuition, the intuition. You follow the nudge.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Yes, the weird little nudges. Yeah, like, I don't know. And as someone with like Ocd tendencies, I don't think I'm diagnosed, but like I have some tendencies, it can be hard to distinguish intuition from obsession, like from intrusive thoughts, like, what is my intuition? And what's just my brain being like a dick? But, generally speaking. If if it involves being kind to someone, I just do it.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I just do it. I'm like whatever I don't care if I'm I look stupid. I would rather look stupid and be kind than look stupid and
Megan Griffith (she/her): be rude, you know.
Megan Griffith (she/her): no one wanted to be my friend. Postpartum. Oh, Amy, that is hard. I get that. Yeah, yeah, it's
Megan Griffith (she/her): it's not fun. But
Megan Griffith (she/her): yeah. Now I'm going to her daughter's 1st birthday party. I'm very excited. We we've hung out once or twice and turns out she dated my best friend's husband very, very briefly, and like Junior high like. Why, the the world is so small, anyway.
Megan Griffith (she/her): So I'm trying to think.
Megan Griffith (she/her): But give yourself time, I think. Don't rule out people just because they weren't like instantly your partner, like
Megan Griffith (she/her): acquaintances, are on the table. Friends are on the table like.
Megan Griffith (she/her): you know, I you just don't want to rule it out, I guess.
Megan Griffith (she/her): unless there's someone who you're like. That's an obvious. No.
Megan Griffith (she/her): friends are not on the table for me, fair enough, fair enough, and like I said, everybody's different. But I just think like, just because you met someone, and you didn't instantly click like I said Adam and I knew each other since 4th grade. I thought nothing of him.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I always feel bad when I say that, because, like I kind of get the feeling that he always kind of thought I was cute. But I genuinely like did not. I'm very autistic. I just didn't know that he existed. Okay, like he was. He was my best friend's brother, and like that context was all that I could see him in until we did something without his sister.
Megan Griffith (she/her): and then
Megan Griffith (she/her): all of a sudden, he was his own person, and I was like, Oh, wait. I like this person.
Megan Griffith (she/her): you know. So I'm just saying, give maybe put acquaintances because you said friends are off the table. But maybe, like put acquaintances in different contexts, and see if those feelings shift.
Megan Griffith (she/her): because you never know they might, or just give it time and see if those feelings shift
Megan Griffith (she/her): but also just meeting people in a romantic context like, I do think
Megan Griffith (she/her): the apps are really frustrating. And we talked about, you know, like going to community events like poetry slams or volunteering, or and no volunteering isn't just super sexy, like
Megan Griffith (she/her): context. But I think it. It shows that your values are aligned. At least you don't have to worry too much about that. That's kind of nice. Yeah, fonda. Go for it.
Fonda Neal: So I did not meet. So when I had my neural, I had neuropsych testing done last January.
Fonda Neal: very comprehensive. It was about 4 and a half hours. Horrible!
Fonda Neal: I did not meet.
Fonda Neal: I think he just. I did not meet current Dsm requirements for Asd
Fonda Neal: and he said the doctor said.
Fonda Neal: if the Dsm. Or when it when it change, when it updates that I probably would
Fonda Neal: likely would would meet those the criteria for Asd and so
Fonda Neal: what when I hear so I am a very. I am a very black and white thinker.
Fonda Neal: I also have Ocpd, so I've got the perfectionist perfectionism piece of Ocpd. That
Fonda Neal: along with Adhd, and what I think it could be like mild, or, as the doctor describes, mild like on the spectrum, mild autism. But
Fonda Neal: I wonder so I also think that you know when someone is serious, I mean when they're joking. I think they're serious
Fonda Neal: like my family, like my nephew would say something. And I'm like, really you're you're in a parade.
Fonda Neal: He's like fond and no, I'm not in a parade for real
Fonda Neal: well, I thought that he was, and he he'll say something like
Fonda Neal: like Shake his head like my family, you know.
Fonda Neal: because he doesn't. You know he doesn't know that you're divergent, and he probably doesn't even understand, really realize what that word means.
Fonda Neal: But I just wonder, you know, like, I often wonder how, because there's so many things that that
Fonda Neal: overlap with Adhd and autism.
Fonda Neal: I guess for me, I'm like, well, am I? Really? I mean, I have sensory processing, you know. Smell sounds and smells, but I have misophonia like I was diagnosed with misophonia like I am triggered by
Fonda Neal: everyday sounds, you know, chewing and clocks ticking, and you know, but I also have hyperacusis.
Fonda Neal: So it's like I struggle with.
Fonda Neal: Do you know, I want to know what
Fonda Neal: what's going on so that I know how to explain it.
Fonda Neal: and so that I'm asking for the right supports, you know, for myself.
Fonda Neal: Okay.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Okay? So I think that cause this is, I run into this stuff all the time with with like
Megan Griffith (she/her): different diagnoses and stuff where it's like, Do I have this? Do I not have this? I need to know, and I do think some of that like need to know, is some of that obsessive like qualities that you and I share, and totally fair, totally valid, not like shaming that part of us at all. But, I do think
Megan Griffith (she/her): something that has helped me is, 1st of all, start accommodating yourself as if you are autistic, because literally, no harm can come from that.
Megan Griffith (she/her): If it doesn't work for you. Well, then, great, that's another tick in the column that you might not be. That's fine. But start using autistic accommodations like start Googling, and all this stuff of like. What could accommodate somebody with, you know, all these different autistic traits that you do show and start accommodating yourself. Either your life gets better, amazing, or it doesn't. And then we look for another explanation. Right?
Megan Griffith (she/her): so that's part one part 2, I think, is that like we deserve to have our needs met.
Megan Griffith (she/her): and we deserve to explain what's going on without having to have like.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Excuse me, an official label, right? And I know the label helps for sure. It's like that.
Megan Griffith (she/her): there's like a tweet, or whatever that's really old at this point that says like
Megan Griffith (she/her): the reason like, why do I need a label? Because there's comfort in knowing I'm not a weird horse. I'm a normal zebra, and I love that right, because, like
Megan Griffith (she/her): I get the need for the label, but at the same time you deserve help and accommodation and understanding, regardless of what the label is like, you could have 0 labels, and people should still give a shit about you and want to help you. And but I also understand that people tend to be more understanding if they can understand why something's happening. So I get that, too.
Megan Griffith (she/her): but yeah, I I think it's worthwhile to just start testing out autistic accommodations for sure.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Yeah, loops. I love my loops.
Fonda Neal: Thank you.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Yeah, of course.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I did want to go back to Yvonne's
Megan Griffith (she/her): question about acquaintance. Okay, this is hard for me, too, I think.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Let me see so like
Megan Griffith (she/her): in the book how to Adhd. She talks about different circles of closeness right? And there's like the inner circle. These are your people who you could literally say anything to.
Megan Griffith (she/her): For me, that is my husband.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Other people sometimes go in the inner circle.
Megan Griffith (she/her): but they cycle in and out. The only person who's always in there is my husband like that's it.
Megan Griffith (she/her): And honestly, I have to fight to keep him in that inner circle because there's a huge avoidant part of me that's like Nope. Nope, you can't know the deepest, darkest, most horrible parts of me, and it's like yes, he can. He can. He can handle it. He's a big boy like come on, but I have to fight to keep him in that inner circle. But he's the only one who's in there. Then there's like the friend circle like Luke Rick, whatever thing.
Megan Griffith (she/her): And I guess a friend to me is like, like, okay, let's start with close friend, close friend, I've got probably 2 or 3 people who hang out in the close. Friend Loop. These are people you can tell like 90% of things to you, maybe save the 10 like super weird or super rough things for the Inner Circle person. But you can tell them most stuff.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Then you've got like friends, just like general friends. I don't have a lot of those anymore. I just, I go hard. Okay.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I either have like close friends or acquaintances, and I like don't seem to have a lot of like casual friends. I guess that person I met at the coffee shop. She's a casual friend, so there, we've got one in that category, at least.
Megan Griffith (she/her): and then you've got acquaintances, acquaintances, I guess I would describe as like my neighbors who my son plays with their kids, but like I couldn't tell you her name or like.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I don't know
Megan Griffith (she/her): certain family members. I have a really big family. I have over 70 cousins, not including their kids. So if you include my cousin's kids, there's like a lot of us.
Megan Griffith (she/her): so there are certain family members who fall in the acquaintance category for me, like I know their name. I know who they are, but like we are not friends. We are not close, and I guess the difference to me is like.
Megan Griffith (she/her): could I sorry? If we got stuck in traffic for an hour? Could we talk about anything interesting?
Megan Griffith (she/her): If the answer is, yes, they're probably at least kind of a friend.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Oh, yeah, you can put family in the acquaintance category. There are people. If you're not emotionally close to them, they don't go in the emotionally close category. You know, family is a privilege, not a right. Just just because I'm blood related to you doesn't mean you get to know me.
Megan Griffith (she/her): My family are the enemy, though that is sometimes where mine goes to. It depends on the day it depends on the day.
Megan Griffith (she/her): but yeah, I guess if I got stuck in traffic with someone for an hour, could we have an interesting conversation. If the answer is yes, they're probably at least vague friends. If the answer is like Nope, we would probably turn on the radio, and just like, sit quietly, or maybe look at our phones or something like then they're probably an acquaintance, or we would make painful small talk. That would be an acquaintance.
Megan Griffith (she/her): that kind of thing. I guess that's how I kind of divide them.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I realized recently that I put everyone in the friend category. But that's not how life works. Yeah.
Megan Griffith (she/her): we gotta let people into that inner circle. And we gotta let people hang out in the acquaintance zone, too, like not everybody has to be a friend.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Oh, yeah, okay. I know we're almost at time. But I would love any advice about getting slash being in a relationship after many years of single life been feeling the crush feelings. Oh, Jamie, how exciting! Sorry! There's like hair somewhere. You guys ever get that where, like you can feel it. I hate it.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Focusing. Okay.
Megan Griffith (she/her): So
Megan Griffith (she/her): my one of my best friends, she's in the very close friend circles sometimes in the inner circle she bounces in and out of it, depending on my attachment issues. But one of my very, very close friends was single for a long time
Megan Griffith (she/her): like
Megan Griffith (she/her): not quite a decade, but maybe half a decade like she was single for quite a while, and
Megan Griffith (she/her): she like it, was really interesting, because at 1st she was like, I want to be in a relationship. I just want to meet my person like, I. I hate being single. All this stuff, and then she would date somebody, and she'd be like, I don't know. And I'm like.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Do you want to find out more about them? And she's like I don't know. And eventually, over the years she was like, No, wait! I actually really value my independence and my freedom, and I am deeply uninterested in being tied to anyone right now, like she had to be honest with herself, that she actually liked being single. To a certain extent she didn't want to be single forever, but she liked it, for now and then, when she met her partner
Megan Griffith (she/her): Well, not even met. They knew each other for quite a while, but when they started like romantically getting interested and stuff.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I think, she finally decided.
Megan Griffith (she/her): this person is worth giving up a little bit of independence. Not all of it. I'm not going to be codependent, but like
Megan Griffith (she/her): I'm willing to make sacrifices to be with this person, because being with them is so much better than being without them.
Megan Griffith (she/her): And like, I think that's kind of the vibe right? When you start to get crush feelings, it's like.
Megan Griffith (she/her): what am I willing to give up to make this work, and not that relationships should be all sacrifice. That's not what I mean, but like
Megan Griffith (she/her): like, whenever she invites me to do something I always have to check with my husband to make sure he doesn't have plans for us to make sure he can watch the kids. And it just that's
Megan Griffith (she/her): how being in a relationship with kids and in an adult relationship is like at least for me, for us.
Megan Griffith (she/her): and for a long time. She's like I can't imagine having to ask anybody to go anywhere or do anything like that would piss me off, and I'm like fair dude like totally fair. But like, that's my life now. And that's okay, like, I'm fine with it, because it's worth it to have this person.
Megan Griffith (she/her): So I think when it comes to like how to go from just crushing to like in a relationship.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I mean.
Megan Griffith (she/her): autistic people can. I don't want to say always, obviously, because we're all different. But I think sometimes we're very good at flirting, because we have very good pattern recognition, and it makes people feel very seen in a very cute and powerful way.
Megan Griffith (she/her): And so don't be afraid of that.
Megan Griffith (she/her): you know. Like, when it comes to trying to transition this crush into a real relationship like you're allowed to flirt like, does anybody else have weird hangups where it's like, oh, I'm not allowed to intentionally let people know how I feel. That's like against the law. You're allowed to let your crush know you like them.
Megan Griffith (she/her): That's okay.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I realized I've never had an adult relationship, because my 2 are in middle school and high school. Yeah. So I think honestly, they're not that. I mean, they're very different. But
Megan Griffith (she/her): there are similarities, and you're allowed to like, lean on those. Oh, yeah, no, Yvonne, I don't know how to flirt intentionally, I just know. Like.
Megan Griffith (she/her): how do I describe this like I could tell I was flirting with my husband, but I didn't know what I was doing. I was just like like, even now I'm not. I have no idea how to like flirt like I still do not understand. But like I know how I'm a very intellectual flirt. Does that make sense like I'm a floating head. I do not know how to connect to my body. That's fine. It's a whole separate conversation, but
Megan Griffith (she/her): I think flirt in the way that works best for you.
Megan Griffith (she/her): It can come naturally with the right person, the right chemistry. Yes, it can, it can
Megan Griffith (she/her): And also when you're leaning into your strengths right like I am witty. I'm funny like, and I think I'm funny. My husband thinks I'm funny, too, so it works. But
Megan Griffith (she/her): bunch of dirty jokes. But your right person, Yvonne, will love that.
Megan Griffith (she/her): There we go. You know, so I think that's fine. I think that's totally fine, you know. So but yeah, Jamie, I think, don't stress too much about like, oh, I've never been in an adult relationship. I don't know what I'm doing. You do know what you're doing, because you know who you are, I mean, kind of, I know we're working on the unmasking stuff as well in the get done program. But like
Megan Griffith (she/her): I'm an intellectual. So I am a Gemini. How did you know
Megan Griffith (she/her): I am very much a Gemini? Hi!
Megan Griffith (she/her): Oh, boy, that's me. I'm I'm a game, recognizes game. Yeah, I'm a Gemini sun and a Leo rising, which is a dangerous combination. I have had many people think I'm flirting with them, and I am not
Megan Griffith (she/her): anyway. So
Megan Griffith (she/her): let's see, let's see, what else was I gonna tell you, Jamie, about like transitioning this crush into a real relationship. Don't get too in your head about it if you can help it, you know, like, obviously, there's only so much we can do about it. But like.
Megan Griffith (she/her): it's.
Megan Griffith (she/her): it's okay to be cringe. Have you guys heard that quote it says, Do not kill the part of you that's Cringey. Kill the part of you that cringes.
Megan Griffith (she/her): And I love that I love that it basically means don't be ashamed like
Megan Griffith (she/her): don't be embarrassed. Just get rid of your shame. Be shameless.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I love that I love that quote very much. So I think that applies to relationships as well. Like my husband and I were so gross when we 1st started dating. We were so mushy, gushy, Lovey Dovey, but that's how we felt at the time like, and not that I'm not super in love with him. Now I am like, I said. I still get butterflies and stuff in different situations, but, like
Megan Griffith (she/her): we used to have pet names for each other, which we still use every now and again, which are actually kind of cute. But yeah, cringes, goals, I think, cringes goals, too, because if you can be cringe with somebody, and they still like you. I'll take that man. I'll take that embarrassment is the cost of entry fuck. Yes.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I love that one, Jamie, embrace the quirks. Yes, yes, yes, yes, I love that.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Does that help Jamie? I hope it does.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Yes, okay, well, I'm glad that you're crushing. That's always so fun. It's a good time.
Megan Griffith (she/her): That is too funny. I dated a guy who's a gemini. He's an intellectual flirt at home. He's surprising person in a good way. Yeah.
Megan Griffith (she/her): yeah, I I'm very much a gemini through and through.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Kinda okay, kind of crushing. Or it was kind of helpful.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Sorry. I don't mean to put too much pressure on the crush. Let it just be a crush. It is what it is like. It's not a big deal.
Megan Griffith (she/her): alright! Does anybody else need anything. Oh, kind of fun to? Oh, that's true. Crushing can also be like very stressful
Megan Griffith (she/her): gotcha.
Megan Griffith (she/her): that's funny. Well, does anybody else have any other questions or anything else you want me to chat about or need any advice.
Megan Griffith (she/her): anybody, anybody, before we go.
Megan Griffith (she/her): This is fun. I think so, too. I love talking relationships and love. And
Megan Griffith (she/her): in the get shit done program, we're talking all about
Megan Griffith (she/her): self-love this month, which I'm really excited, for we're starting with negating the self loathing, just starting at the basics right? And then we'll move into self neutrality and then self like, and then self love. And so we'll we'll move through it. Sleepover chat. It does have sleepover chat vibes. I love this.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Thanks, for this feels good to unmask. Of course your unmasked self is always welcome here.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Thanks for holding the space. Of course
Megan Griffith (she/her): I I always want there to be space for people to just. I don't know
Megan Griffith (she/her): cause relationships are tricky man like I feel like there's so many expectations.
Megan Griffith (she/her): And when you're autistic you often have a hard time reading those expectations, and so like it. It can lead to all kinds of like funky mess ups.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Oof, okay.
Megan Griffith (she/her): well, looks like that's about it. Then. Thank you all so much for coming to this event, it's really lovely to have you. I will email out this replay tomorrow. It'll be on that replay page. You know that I've been emailing out. It's that same page.
Megan Griffith (she/her): let's see. And those will be live kind of I don't know forever until Youtube stops hosting videos. So feel free to return to them whenever you need, and for all the replay crew. Thank you for watching the replay. Hi, Hi! Hi!
Megan Griffith (she/her): And I think that's all I've got for you. So I'm gonna let everybody go. Thank you so much for coming. Good night.