Amy: Is that him.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Yeah.
Amy: Yeah, that's it.
Megan Griffith (she/her): A husband. Hello!
Amy: Yeah.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Hi, everybody! Welcome, welcome. Can you hear us? Okay, because the mic is a little different than it usually is?
Megan Griffith (she/her): Yes, okay, thanks. Rose. Hello, Yvonne! Hi, Amy! Hi! Rose! Hello, everybody! We're gonna wait just a couple of minutes, and then I'll do like a brief introduction of
Megan Griffith (she/her): Adam and all of that good stuff, and then we'll take all of your fun questions. So yeah, I know. I told you guys to come with questions. So if you don't have any. I don't know what we're going to do. I don't have a backup, can always talk and ramble. We can. We can talk and ramble. That's true.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Give people another minute. Let me make sure I don't have any like texts like, how do I get into this?
Megan Griffith (she/her): No, okay.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I already see one that says, What are you, Adam? Yeah, that's true. We were talking about you yesterday. We were talking about.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Oh, I don't remember exactly. Do you guys remember what we were talking about yesterday, where we were. Deidre was like, what even is Adam?
Megan Griffith (she/her): I probably just talking about how well adjusted you are in general. And how that's baffling.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Just lucky, I guess. Yeah, yeah.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Unique combination of factors.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Yeah, I don't know. Very crazy. Yes, that was it. Okay. Okay?
Megan Griffith (she/her): Well, we'll give it to like 8 0. 3 or so, and then we'll just jump on into it. If you guys have questions and you want to come off mute, you definitely can. But if you have questions you want to just put in the chat that's always welcome as well. Hi, fonda!
Megan Griffith (she/her): But yeah, I'll give it one more minute.
Fonda Neal: Hi.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Hello!
Megan Griffith (she/her): Oh, yes, that's what it was, Rose. We were talking about how like whenever we do this, because we've done this before once or twice, and every time we do it you're like, I don't understand why they want to talk to me. I don't know that I have anything useful to say, your brain is just so different from ours. It's fun to you know how, when we talk and you're like, I don't understand, because my brain is so different from yours. They want to see what your brain is like. That's fair. Yeah.
Megan Griffith (she/her): that's something I was talking about yesterday about how one of the relationship accommodations you and I use is that like, we don't just talk about my needs and my brain, because that would make me the other. And so instead, we really talk about like both of our brains and needs, even if your needs are
Megan Griffith (she/her): less complicated or less unusual, there still needs, yeah, yeah, it's just like any relationship. We
Megan Griffith (she/her): both have needs that need need met in various ways. Yours are just different than mine, which I think is pretty typical of any relationship. Nobody's going to have the exact same needs. Accurate, very accurate.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Okay, well, it is 8.0 3. So we're going to jump in. I think everybody was here yesterday, so you all know me. But for people on the recording Hi, my name is Megan. I'm autistic, and Adhd, I am a life coach, content Creator, and soon to be published author of All Around The World of Autism and Adhd. And this is my husband, Adam.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Hello, Adam is a benefits, not a benefits specialist anymore. You are an account manager when it comes to healthcare benefits and everything in the Us. It's really complicated. And so Adam basically works with the companies who are giving health insurance to their employees, and he works with the
Megan Griffith (she/her): health insurance companies themselves, and is like the conduit the communicator. Yes, we're the broker, the broker. If you want the fancy word. Yeah, we just. We are the go between between the employers offering the benefits
Megan Griffith (she/her): to their employees, because, you know, in the Us. Benefits, your healthcare is typically tied to your job. So each employer has to offer healthcare, and they have to set it up and manage it themselves. So we work with with them and and the companies that provide the insurance. So the healthcare, not the healthcare providers themselves. But the insurance companies. So right? Yes, that's what I meant. Thank you. But yeah, I think one of the
Megan Griffith (she/her): best ways that you describe your job is saying, like healthcare in America, kind of sucks. And if you can make it easier, you want to. And like, I always really like that view, I mean, healthcare is incredibly broken
Megan Griffith (she/her): in the Us. It's depressing to work in. But you know, we have the system we have, and until something changes in it, everyone still has to exist and still has to use it. So what I like to think that we do is we try to make it as accessible to everyone and and as easy to use, even though it's not, but as easy to use as we possibly can, and maintain that it's, you know.
Megan Griffith (she/her): affordable enough that it is reachable by
Megan Griffith (she/her): most people. Yeah, that is the goal. Well, I would agree that that's absolutely what you guys do. Because the advocate team, like helps us with our benefits. The his work has, like a team of advocates that helps MB. Employees and their spouses and their families like access, their benefits better, and it's
Megan Griffith (she/her): very helpful, because, Heaven knows, I don't understand any of this. But, anyway, so that's what you do for work. What do you do for fun? You want to tell people about hobbies and stuff? Sure, all kinds of hobbies. I like to play video games. Obviously, I like D, and D, you can certainly try. I mean, it's a little faded shirt on, but pretty nerdy. I like
Megan Griffith (she/her): all kinds of stuff. I like comic books. I like video games. I like movies. You just finished a really complicated puzzle. Yes, yeah. I like puzzles. I like putting stuff together. If we turn the camera even just a little bit. There you can see the I put a barador, the Sauron's Tower from the Lord of the Rings, with a big eye on it. I built a 2 foot model of it.
Megan Griffith (she/her): It's pretty cool. And those are things I kind of like to do for fun. Yeah, yeah, okay.
Megan Griffith (she/her): anything else you want people to know before we jump in with questions.
Megan Griffith (she/her): probably, but not. You are neurotypical, as far as we know. Yeah, as far as I know, I'm neurotypical. Yeah, yeah. Lord of the rings love it.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Okay, well, I mean, should we tell people how we like met stuff? Sure, yeah, I know I mentioned this a little bit last night, I think, but we've technically known each other since, like 4th grade or something, because I played volleyball with your sister. Yeah. So I have a sister who's a year and 9 days younger than me. We're Irish twins,
Megan Griffith (she/her): And my dad coached her volleyball team. I think it was like 4th grade, and I helped.
Megan Griffith (she/her): You know I had to be there. So I I helped participate, as you know, not necessarily, coach, because I'm only a year older. But for a couple of years
Megan Griffith (she/her): and then
Megan Griffith (she/her): I mean, we met and knew of each other. But we didn't really interact much beyond that until high school where we were in the same youth group. Yeah, my parents forced me to go to Youth group because I wasn't social enough. Anybody relate. I wasn't social enough, and my parents are very religious, and they were like, How about you do, youth group? And I went to shut them up, and I met my husband. So it all works out
Megan Griffith (she/her): serendipity that way. Right? Yeah. But I think we were in youth group. For a little while. We like kind of knew of each other. And then we went on like a mission trip type thing, a service trip, really and
Megan Griffith (she/her): I don't know. That was when all of a sudden you were really cute, and I liked you.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I appreciate it. You were really cute, too. And I like you a whole lot. Yeah, we went to Toledo. And I think one day we went over to Cedar Point. Yeah, we had a good time. There, that was really fun. A lot of rides together. Yeah. Yeah.
Megan Griffith (she/her): But yeah, so then we did long distance for a long time. So if you guys have long distance questions feel free to ask those. We only just recently passed the point where we have been living together, and in the same city, then the amount of time that we were together, but not in the same city, I mean within the last, like 6 months. We just passed that point.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Yeah, yep, so slightly. More than half of our relationship now has been together. Yes, I love it. I've been to Cedar Point. Yeah, we have like a shocking number of Ohio people who are like in like my atmosphere. It's very strange and very cool. But anyway, yeah, Cedar Point is awesome. Really cool roller coasters.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I'm not a coaster person, so it's not always I was when I was in high school because I was afraid of being weird, but I don't actually like them.
Megan Griffith (she/her): But yeah, okay, hit me with the questions, what do you want to know about our relationship? What do you want, Adam to answer specifically. If you have questions for him.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I am so a roller coaster enthusiast. That's awesome, fonda. I you should check out Cedar Point. It's really it is a coaster park. It is really really cool. Cedar Point or Kings Island. Another good Ohio theme park with awesome coasters.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Something about Ohio makes us just not want to be close to the earth like there's a crazy amount of Ohio astronauts, and like we have a lot of roller coasters, we're just like, Get me away from this.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Alright. Anybody have questions. You can come off mute if you like, or you can ask in the chat.
Megan Griffith (she/her): how do you determine? Neurotypical? That's a really good question, Fonda. I have no idea you're going to have to help me with that. Yeah, I think neurotypical is not a biological thing.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Neurotypical is the ease and the ability to meet
Megan Griffith (she/her): like sociocultural expectations. If that makes sense of normalcy. So it's not a normal brain, it's being able and finding it relatively easy to meet sociocultural expectations of normal.
Megan Griffith (she/her): It kind of feels like splitting hairs, but it does matter, because I don't think anybody's brain is normal. And in fact, science shows us that there is no like normal brain. But that doesn't mean that neurodivergence doesn't exist. Then it still does. It's just that neurodivergence is not a biological thing. It is a sociocultural thing. It is our inability or difficulty with
Megan Griffith (she/her): meeting capitalistic, ableist, white supremacist ideals of normal right does that make sense? Okay, makes sense good. We talked a lot about conflict resolution yesterday. But we should talk about fun stuff first.st Yeah, we can get into conflict resolution later. If you guys want to know some of the fun stuff first, st that's totally fine.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Totally totally fine.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Hello, people joining us. Hi! Hi! Hi!
Megan Griffith (she/her): Anybody.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Oh, hold on! I'm gonna
Megan Griffith (she/her): people just there we go. Okay. You can come off mute if you have a question, but otherwise it's helpful to stay muted.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Any fun stuff that come to mind that you want to talk about. First, st
Megan Griffith (she/her): we have 3 kids. That's something that I think has changed our relationship dynamic a lot. But like, not in a bad way. It's just changed. It's just different. Yeah.
Megan Griffith (she/her): there we go.
Megan Griffith (she/her): So if you have kids questions, we're here for that.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Not just kids. We're surviving twins right now.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Yes, that's that's been a lot too.
Fonda Neal: Have a question.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Yeah.
Fonda Neal: I'll come off video cause like.
Fonda Neal: Hi, hi! So I'm wondering, is Adam.
Fonda Neal: Alright when you well, I don't remember, Megan, when you were 1st diagnosed with
Fonda Neal: like autism. And adhd, but was that
Fonda Neal: during y'all's relationship when you dated, you know, after you got married, like, what's
Fonda Neal: when were you diagnosed? And when you knew versus when y'all's relationship began.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Okay, do you want to do the timeline, or do you wanna
Megan Griffith (she/her): So as far as like official diagnosis? That was significant. I mean we were married when you got an official diagnosis. In fact, we went out to dinner to celebrate your official diagnosis. It was a really big, happy day that you got that we celebrated that
Megan Griffith (she/her): you know a little scary now, but at the time it was very exciting.
Megan Griffith (she/her): but you knew well before then, and in fact, you were. Your diagnosis journey has been long and winding, and the 1st diagnosis you got. I don't know if you've talked about this. But your your 1st diagnosis was bipolar disorder, and that was
Megan Griffith (she/her): a year and a half, 2 years or so into our relationship. That was a lot harder than because that was the 1st time the 1st indication something was, you know, a little different.
Megan Griffith (she/her): and you know I definitely didn't celebrate that at the time, and we didn't go out to dinner. We were, you know, long distance, and I remember when we were talking about it, I was at work. I worked in university dining, and I worked in the dining hall, so I remember vividly being at work. And we were, you know, talking about it. You know, what does this mean? How how does this impact us? How does this impact? You kind of all that stuff? And it was really scary and really
Megan Griffith (she/her): frustrating. So I remember walking into one of the walk-in coolers, and just, you know, screaming for 30 seconds, and then, you know, breaking down just a little bit, and having to pull myself to get back together and go back out on the shift. And you know it wasn't. It wasn't easy, but we were we got through it. We we talked about it.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I think it took some time, you know. It wasn't an overnight thing coming to grips with it, because before that you mask a lot around me, and before the diagnosis I would start to get glimpses of you unmasking. And it was a little jarring just to
Megan Griffith (she/her): see you be different people in different social situations, like a completely different person. And then, seeing that mask fall away, which is a good thing. You were more comfortable around me that you didn't feel that you had to mask. But
Megan Griffith (she/her): you didn't have the language to explain what was happening.
Megan Griffith (she/her): And I didn't necessarily understand yet. What it was. So it was jarring and confusing. And just, you know, it took some time talking through and really
Megan Griffith (she/her): it wasn't all sunshine and roses. I mean, there was, there was, you know.
Megan Griffith (she/her): fighting and disagreements, and like, why are you one way with a set of people, and another way with another set of people and a whole different person in front of your family. And then when we're together, you're completely different. So just kind of sorting through. That was hard.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Yeah, I've talked a lot. Do you want to say anything about it? No, yeah. I think when we met. I was neurotypical. I very much looked at. I acted it like that was who I was. I believed it, you know. Even I thought I was neurotypical. And like that just fell apart really quickly when I went to school. And yeah, I very much started being very different people in different contexts. And
Megan Griffith (she/her): I think on my end. It was hard, because it was the only thing I wanted to talk about, and I'm sure that was hard on your end as well, because it's like there's only so many times you can have the same conversation over and over with, like, no resolution.
Megan Griffith (she/her): so yeah, I think
Megan Griffith (she/her): it was, it's been a part of our relationship. The whole time, like it's just been something we've navigated over and over and over as different things come on the scene.
Megan Griffith (she/her): yeah, we should talk about masking, too, being different people in different. Situations and watching the behaviors change in someone yeah, that's a, big one. Sorry, fonda, did you have something else you wanted to ask.
Fonda Neal: No, that was I did as you were speaking.
Fonda Neal: There was another question sort of related to how you guys navigated learning about? Oh, I know. So
Fonda Neal: what did Adam? I'm just curious. Did you like learn
Fonda Neal: about megan's neurodiversity like, did you guys like to learn together? Or did you do like your own? You know some research on your own? Or how did that.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Yeah, I mean, I can't.
Fonda Neal: Work.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Be in a relationship with Megan and not learn about neurodiversity of all kind. It's just it's a passion of hers. I mean, she loves to learn about it, and she loves to share it. So you know, yeah, we learned a lot together. I learned a lot from her, you know. I looked up some things on my own, but you know I quickly learned that I will never be able to learn at the rate and with the veracity that Megan consumes information about her special interests. So learned a lot with her.
Megan Griffith (she/her): And you know it was. It's really been a journey, and it hasn't really stopped. I mean, we're constantly. She's constantly learning new things, and we're constantly talking about it and like you said, you know, you don't always want to be talking about just how your brain works or how my brain works.
Megan Griffith (she/her): you know, trying to talk about other things, too, and not make it solely the focus of conversation. But it is important, and it was a very important part of our relationship. You know me coming to understand it.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I I can't.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I can't, you know, understand the experience of it? Because I don't have that experience. But I can
Megan Griffith (she/her): understand how it impacts you and how
Megan Griffith (she/her): that impacts the way that you see the world and the world works for you. So that's kind of, I think what I try to focus on is try to say, Okay, this makes no sense to me. It's a foreign concept. My brain works totally differently. I conceptualize things in a different way. But that's how you see it. Okay, how does that interact with the way I see the world? And then we kind of talk about it.
Fonda Neal: That's awesome.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Yeah, thank you.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Of course, I think one of our favorite metaphors is forest in the trees.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I think a lot of the times I look at things from a thousand foot view. Try to see
Megan Griffith (she/her): the big picture
Megan Griffith (she/her): and I get Lot and the smaller details and the smaller pieces get lost on me.
Megan Griffith (she/her): whereas and I think that frustrates you a lot where I look at systems and
Megan Griffith (she/her): the way they the parts interact with each other in a very de individualized way, a lot of the time. And you
Megan Griffith (she/her): and that's to the, to, to my detriment, to not seeing how it impacts, how it can impact individuals, whereas I think you think a little more, you know, seeing the trees as opposed to the forest as a whole, seeing how it impacts individuals and and people which can also be to my detriment, right? Like not being able to see the whole picture totally.
Megan Griffith (she/her): But yeah, I think that's the biggest thing that shifted, I think, from when I got misdiagnosed with bipolar compared to now, is like at the time we had like so much less information. We just didn't know nearly as much. And
Megan Griffith (she/her): another piece. Sorry I got distracted by the chat. Focus, Megan, and
Megan Griffith (she/her): now we don't think of it as much as like the the neurodivergence is like some kind of boogeyman. We now see it as like, it's a difference. It's something that.
Megan Griffith (she/her): And I think that's partially because of where we're at in our relationship now, like a year or 2 in, you could have taken an exit ramp, you know, like you could have left, and like that would have been
Megan Griffith (she/her): fine, you know, you would have had every right to do that, whereas now I think we're in a point in our relationship that is much more committed and much more like, well, come as it may, you know. Yeah, it's funny to hear you say that a year or 2, and you were feeling that way, you know, 2 or 3 years into marriage sometimes. Oh, yeah, talking about oh, well, I'm just such
Megan Griffith (she/her): a burden like you should just leave me like, no, that's not. You know we're committed. We've been married for 2 years at this point. That's yeah. I'm glad you feel more comfortable now. But that did not happen overnight, and did not happen in the 1st decade.
Megan Griffith (she/her): So that was a very much a. It's come with time thing. Yeah, yeah, I've had to do a lot of attachment work for sure.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Yeah, don't, no matter how many times I protest that and say I'm here and committed. It just takes approximately 12 years of showing up over and over faster, with more like intense attachment work from a like younger age. I didn't know that I had any kind of attachment issues for a long time. And so that, yeah, that made a difference.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Can we talk about meltdowns around our partners. I'm curious about navigating that it's caused a lot of hardship in my relationships.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Have you seen me have another
Megan Griffith (she/her): so many times? I know I'm just trying to like recently, though not so much recently. But I mean, you used to go nonverbal. That's true. I think most people now are calling them like verbal shutdowns. No, it's okay, just throwing it out there. Yeah, you used to have verbal shutdowns, like all the time, like something would be too much, or you would be too frustrated or upset about something. You know
Megan Griffith (she/her): a lot of times, you know, just an interaction maybe you've had with your with your family or someone and that would just cause you to. The day is ruined.
Megan Griffith (she/her): You would no longer be able to speak, and
Megan Griffith (she/her): We had to figure out ways to navigate that, because that doesn't mean that
Megan Griffith (she/her): we can't communicate. That just means you can't speak so we a lot of the times would, you know, give you space time to, you know. Calm down, but even that sometimes not enough. We still need to talk so we just text, you know, you couldn't talk so we would do it via text, sitting in the same room next to each other, just with our phones, because
Megan Griffith (she/her): we still do that sometimes. Not a lot, but sometimes easier for you to express things in text unsurprising. You're going to be a published writer. You'll write things. I do like to write things.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I think so. There's kind of like externalized meltdowns, internalized meltdowns, and then shutdowns right and external, is kind of what
Megan Griffith (she/her): a lot of people picture when they think of a meltdown like screaming, throwing things crying like. And I think I had those more when I was younger. Yeah. Used to used to be rare for you to go a day without crying. Yeah, but not just crying like total freak outs, which still happened a lot. But like.
Megan Griffith (she/her): yeah, I think
Megan Griffith (she/her): so. That's kind of external. Those are a lot more rare now. For lots of reasons. Lots of therapy, and lots of. There's even like
Megan Griffith (she/her): certain medications that can be helpful for that. I'm not a doctor. I'm not here to give any medical advice on that, but
Megan Griffith (she/her): all of those things have played a part, and then there's internalized meltdowns which I had for all of the times. You saw me having an external meltdown. I probably had double or triple the number of internal meltdowns which is garbage. That's so unfair, anyway. So there's that. And then there's shutdowns, which is where the brain just kind of goes Nope, and just like woo everything powers down. And that's kind of the verbal shutdown and stuff like that.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Yeah. And you know, that's not to say that
Megan Griffith (she/her): I didn't also have problems, you know. I mean, there's plenty of times where you know I would be upset about something, and I would just not want to talk, and that's not that I couldn't, but I didn't want to, and it's like, you know.
Megan Griffith (she/her): very similar. We make accommodations for each other, like, you know, if we're in a fight, you want to resolve it, and I need time like, if we don't. If we leave something unresolved. It's painful to you, yeah. And I try to be cognizant of that. But sometimes
Megan Griffith (she/her): I need an hour, or I need the evening to think about it, and you know, chew on it in my mind. And just we have to, you know, respect that about each other and say, Hey, I know this is gonna bother you. But I need the time to process this. Let's put a time limit on it, and we'll come back and talk about it.
Megan Griffith (she/her): is that? Okay? And yeah, kind of navigating that that is such a good point. Actually, because it's like.
Megan Griffith (she/her): it's, it's not the same like not wanting to talk versus not being able to talk like those are different things. But what I think is the same is that
Megan Griffith (she/her): both of us have like times and ways in which we show up in our relationship. That's like, not always ideal, right? And like, I think that
Megan Griffith (she/her): like just having space for each other that way is really yeah, just and being able and willing to accommodate each other's needs. I mean.
Megan Griffith (she/her): we each have needs. You know, we just and also try not to like pathologize you too much like you have behavior. I have behavior. I mean, we all have behavior, it just.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I try not to think about it. As you know, you have
Megan Griffith (she/her): a pathology that's that's showing up. It's you have a behavior and a set of patterns.
Megan Griffith (she/her): and just how does that. How do we make that work, you know, and having that conversation
Megan Griffith (she/her): that makes sense.
Megan Griffith (she/her): How long have you all been together? Slash married? I've forgotten already. So we've been together. This will be 15 years, I think, in September
Megan Griffith (she/her): 16, right? Oh, 16, yeah.
Megan Griffith (she/her): No. 15, because it was on the
Megan Griffith (she/her): asked her out on the anniversary of 9 11, because I was going off to college the next day, and that was the last moment to do it.
Megan Griffith (she/her): So it was. It was. That was our anniversary for a very long time until we got married. Very happy. That's no longer our our anniversary. Yes, okay, so this will be 15 years together coming up in the fall, and then that means it'll be
Megan Griffith (she/her): what? 8 years married.
Megan Griffith (she/her): That's crazy. 8 years married in August. Yeah.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Okay, what's an internal meltdown so internal? I it's so. A meltdown in general is a loss of control, right? And so externally, that can look like losing control of your physical actions.
Megan Griffith (she/her): An internalized meltdown is where you freeze all of the external actions like I used to literally curl up in a ball, and just like lay there, because I knew if I allowed myself to move I would break shit, and I didn't want to do that. Well, I didn't think it was acceptable to do that right.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I thought I would be like this horrible, unlovable monster if I did that. So instead, I would curl up in a ball hold myself perfectly still, and inside I would lose control. So like my thoughts and feelings would just be like these raging, swirling maelstroms of like pain, which sounds so dramatic. But you guys know what it's like.
Megan Griffith (she/her): So that's kind of what an internal meltdown can be like.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Yeah, it's healthy to discuss, not talking instead of straight, silent treatment. Yeah, yeah, I think.
Megan Griffith (she/her): did we ever go through silent treatment phases? Not really. I mean, I don't think so. It's
Megan Griffith (she/her): it's all it's all about meeting each other's needs and showing up for and accommodating each other. You know, if
Megan Griffith (she/her): you're having, regardless of where the issue stems from. You need the accommodation to
Megan Griffith (she/her): show up for each other in your relationship, and if you're not able and willing to work on what those accommodations should
Megan Griffith (she/her): should be, and that other person isn't willing to work on that for you, you know, that doesn't really feel like an equal and equitable partnership or relationship. Let's talk about equality for a little bit, because oh, no! Did I say something wrong? No, you didn't. You said something right. I think I think a lot of audio Hdrs feel like any relationship they enter, especially a relationship with a neurotypical person is always going to be inherently unbalanced and inherently unfair.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I'm wondering how you feel about that. I think that's
Megan Griffith (she/her): bullshit. I wasn't sure. I wasn't sure how you felt. I know for a long time. That's how you felt. That's true. That's how I feel. That's how I was what I was afraid of. Yeah, I know that that was for a very long time of frustration or a concern that you had, that I tried to be very cognizant of, and tried to never, ever play into, and to do anything I could to assuage that, because, you know
Megan Griffith (she/her): again, I have needs to. You do all kinds of things for me that make me
Megan Griffith (she/her): feel good, that make me feel loved and appreciated, that, you know. Make my life better and make me a better person. You know there's all kinds of things that you do.
Megan Griffith (she/her): and that you bring to the relationship, you know, just because, you know, I bring something different doesn't make it not equitable.
Megan Griffith (she/her): right? They're not equal.
Megan Griffith (she/her): That's true.
Megan Griffith (she/her): That makes sense, it's still weird.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Well, because you bring a lot of the like socially approved skills to the table. Like, you know, having a stable job. And you're the main cleaner in our household. And like, because guys, I hate cleaning so fucking much. It's the worst. Yeah. I was too stressed to clean up the last 2 days, and the house was scary. It was a disaster to be fair. You were also too stressed to do child care the last couple of days. So I was doing everything like I said.
Megan Griffith (she/her): yes, it's a seesaw, right. I was telling them about. I was like, Oh, you remember, when we got marriage counseling from someone who's never been married a priest, but he actually gave the really good advice about the seesaw, and how it's like never going to be 50, 50, or hardly ever, you know.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Yeah, me, too. Yeah. Cooking is the one that I have. Actually, it has grown on me. I used to be really bad about it. We would have the same 3 meals over and over and over and over, because that's what I always did, living alone. I'm autistic. I don't care. I'll have buttered noodles and lemon chicken. I'm good to go.
Megan Griffith (she/her): but my family does not always feel that way. We very much appreciate it, because even our 5 year old's a really good eater, like he eats just about everything. He doesn't like peppers, but he likes everything else most everything. And yeah, the twins are starting to like other things. They're getting there. Thank goodness.
Megan Griffith (she/her): but yeah, I just think it's nice. I want Adam to be like an expander for you in the sense that, like there are neurotypical people out there who don't view Audi, HD, people as like burdensome like that exists not at all. And I
Megan Griffith (she/her): I don't think that, you know. I think our relationship has something to do with that. But you know I don't think that even if we weren't
Megan Griffith (she/her): together I would still feel that way. I hope so. Yeah.
Megan Griffith (she/her): people are people, you know, we all have our own stuff and like, it's not that you don't. You don't bring fantastic things to the table as well to to our relationship. I mean, talk about the steady job that I have. You have guts and passions. Start your own business that I do not have. That's huge. So just it's different, you know. That's all
Megan Griffith (she/her): something you've mentioned a couple of times is accommodating each other. I'm curious. I know of some accommodations that I make and like do for you like, would it be interesting to you guys if I mentioned those, and then you could mention some of the ones you do for me. Sure, I'm good with it if they are okay?
Megan Griffith (she/her): Because I know sometimes people are like, how does a neurotypical person need accommodate it? Like as Adam keeps saying, he's still like a person with like needs. And so I think one of the big accommodations is like.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Every 2 out of 3 social invitations we get. I decline on his behalf.
Megan Griffith (she/her): because I know he loves people. He's very outgoing, like you can probably tell. But oh, my goodness! So introverted like when it comes to energy levels like cannot be around people for too terribly long, or you can. But then you need the entire next day to recover.
Megan Griffith (she/her): And so we get a lot of social invites, because my family is very, very social, and there's also your family. And then there's friends. And so we get social invites, and people often ask me, because they know I'm kind of the keeper of the calendar, and so I will say no. They also know he'll say no. But
Megan Griffith (she/her): even before they realized that though they would still come to me first, st usually. And so now we kind of just have a routine where every 2 out of 3 I just automatically say, Oh, me! And the kids would love to come. Adam's taking a night, or I don't know. Sometimes I just lie so that it's not weird, I'm like, Oh, Adam, sick! Oh, whatever you know it happens, they kind of think you have weird stomach bugs or something all the time. But
Megan Griffith (she/her): that's not entirely untruthful, that's true. But yeah, so that's 1 accommodation that I think I use to make you more comfortable. I greatly appreciate that, because I do enjoy
Megan Griffith (she/her): being around people. I have a fun time going out to social events. I like it when I'm forced to leave the house, but
Megan Griffith (she/her): I don't.
Megan Griffith (she/her): There's inertia. I don't feel like leaving the house and going to do things. I have a great time once I get out there, and I do it, but so many times. I mean great example. During Covid there was
Megan Griffith (she/her): probably a 2 month period. I didn't set foot outside of the house during lockdowns, whereas you left every single day not to go with people. No, no, just to drive, to drive, or take a walk, just to go outside and leave the house, but literally 2 months. I did not walk out the front door, and I was happy to do that. That's crazy to me.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Oh, my goodness, okay, Amy's with you. Thank you, my fellow hermits. I could not. One time I think it was shortly after Covid, maybe, or maybe it was right before, but at 1 point I literally was so anxious to get out of the house like fight or flight, like whatever it was.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I left the house, drove an hour to my sister's got there realized. I didn't have my purse. I didn't pack the diaper bag for our kid. My kid didn't have shoes like
Megan Griffith (she/her): I just left. I was like I need out of here now.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Oh, my gosh, I'm both yeah perfect excuse. Yeah. I know a lot of people who found out that they were pushing themselves well past their social battery because of Covid they were like, oh, wait! This is what it's like to feel well rested like. Apparently I'm much more introverted than I thought, you know.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Yeah, I agree.
Megan Griffith (she/her): So I think that's 1 1 of the biggest accommodations probably is just social stuff. Cause. I think that's 1 of the only areas where you like
Megan Griffith (she/her): struggle in ways. And even that it's not like a huge struggle, but like you do like the inertia right? Getting out of the house can be difficult. So like with that, I will
Megan Griffith (she/her): make leaving the house easier. So like I usually pack the bags and get stuff ready, and I get the kids in, and then all he has to do is get dressed and get in the car, and so like. There's very little in the way. Because you guys know, with like executive dysfunction, which I don't think you experience very often, but does happen sometimes, you know, to some degree.
Megan Griffith (she/her): And basically, I'm like, let's remove all of the barriers so that there's just a straight beeline to the car. You absolutely do that. Yeah, it's very helpful. Good. I'm glad I very much appreciate it. Good.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Yeah.
Megan Griffith (she/her): How about? Oh, sorry. There's comments. Let's see, the online birthday parties were stressful. Yeah, we actually did something really fun, for our one year old had his 1st birthday during Covid and
Megan Griffith (she/her): we had people schedule times to like zoom with him and open their present, that they had mailed and stuff. And like that way, we weren't trying to like juggle a million people on zoom, and everyone's like kind of half talking, and no one can hear each other we like had scheduled time blocks. Can you tell? I'm autistic? Oh, my gosh, yeah, it did. It worked. It was great, actually. But okay, accommodations for me that you make
Megan Griffith (she/her): So you know, one that comes to mind. I think you mentioned it a little bit. But cleaning, you know.
Megan Griffith (she/her): picking up it's just not something
Megan Griffith (she/her): that you want to do or enjoy, and I think that you, your executive dysfunction shows up there a lot. So I make it a point to try to
Megan Griffith (she/her): clean every day. Pick up
Megan Griffith (she/her): after, because you do a lot of the childcare quite. Just with your schedule. It fits a lot easier into you. So you end up doing a lot of the child care?
Megan Griffith (she/her): you know it's probably 80 20, you know. I wish it was less than that. I wish it was maybe closer to like 60 40. But it's honestly probably 80, 20 so you know.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I would never ask you to pick up after the kids and and stuff, you know, pick up, after all the things that have gone on throughout the day as part of that childcare, you know. I want to make sure that I'm contributing to that, too, but also make sure that you know it's not something you like doing. I don't mind picking up and cleaning, you know I so because I would say cleanings, probably 80, 20 as well. It's just you're the 80. Yeah. Well, that's true.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I I will do a lot of the cleaning and the laundry and keeping the laundry moving. So just a lot of those kind of keeping the house household chores is not something that you enjoy doing, and most of them. I don't mind. So
Megan Griffith (she/her): I do a good chunk of those. To help
Megan Griffith (she/her): kind of accommodate the executive dysfunction. The executive functioning executive dysfunction. Yeah, that's where sorry, instead of you know, asking you to do them, or like trying to make it equal, or in some way. But just, you know, taking on those tasks and doing them a lot of the times. Yeah, yeah. Instead of like trying to make childcare 50, 50 and cleaning 50, 50 and everything. 50 50. We're just like, okay.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Instead of making the puzzle piece a bunch of perfect squares. The puzzle piece is a bunch of positive and negative. And you just got to like mix them the way they work, you know. And some days that means that I'm doing a majority of the work. And some days. That means you're doing a majority of the work. And other days it's closer to even. But you know it's never going to be an equal 50 50 ever. But you know, sometimes, if I do need help, you know, I'll say I'll give you a very specific task, like I'm doing a whole thing, and just be like
Megan Griffith (she/her): if I'm
Megan Griffith (she/her): doing all the laundry and I and I'm putting things in. And you know I've got a little bit of a load left, I say, hey! Can you fold those towels right there and then? Just that's it. You'll fold the towels, you'll set them, and then I'll take them upstairs and put them away and everything. So
Megan Griffith (she/her): It doesn't mean that I'm the only one who can do those things, and that I can never ask for your help. It's just that if I do need your help with those things, I'm very vocal about it, and very explicit in what I'm asking for you for your help. And there are like certain things where
Megan Griffith (she/her): you really do do them, probably 99% of the time. And like, you really can't ask for my help, because I can't help you like forms. I can't help you with a form that's true. Paperwork is usually
Megan Griffith (she/her): something that I will do. I handle most of the paperwork. Yeah, with the exception being taxes, which seems like a huge. But it's because I run a business and he doesn't know the numbers. So anyway, yeah, I feel bad. I feel like I should know the taxes a little better. But mine are so easy you're just A. W. 2 employee like W. 2, whereas I've got like a k. 1 this year. Anybody know what a. k. 1 even is like. I certainly don't. Anyway.
Megan Griffith (she/her): that's worrying. Well, we're working on it. We're getting there.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Yvonne says, is asking if someone is okay with taking on most of the cleaning too intense to ask on a 1st date, I don't know. Would you have been weirded out on that on a 1st date? I mean, we were young on our we were in like high school, so it might have been weird then. But like as an adult, would you be weirded by that question? Honestly, I don't know. It's been so long since I've had a 1st date. Yeah?
Megan Griffith (she/her): And again, we were high school students. Yeah, I think Yvonne, for me, I would probably ask that kind of question. Oh, you meant it as a joke. That's funny. See? I'm so autistic I can't. I can't handle it. But honestly, though, like.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I think those types, because that's a huge question is like, when do I disclose like that? I am autistic that I am Adhd. You know all these things
Megan Griffith (she/her): like, how do I ask for accommodations? When do I start asking to be accommodated? Because I don't want to like? Wait till we're married and like, pull a bait and switch and be like, Hi, I need all this support, you know, like, I kind of feel like, that's what happened when we started dating. I was like, I'm so normal. And then I got you committed. And I was like, I'm crazy. That is not what happened, I know, but that's how it felt a little bit to me. I felt bad.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Yeah.
Megan Griffith (she/her): yeah, they they are. Those are scary conversations to have. And you know, I you do have a lot of fears and worries. That that's what you did is that you masked until I was committed, and
Megan Griffith (she/her): no offense to your masking ability. But you know it wasn't perfect. You know there were signs.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Yeah, that's true. If you hang out with somebody enough, you get to know the real them, whether they want you to or not. It's just
Megan Griffith (she/her): it's that's part of getting to know somebody and spending a lot of time with them. So
Megan Griffith (she/her): you know, I don't know when the exact appropriate time is to bring up accommodations and things that you're looking for, but you know it doesn't have to start off with, you know of. Okay, here are a list of my needs. And here's a list of what I can do for you, but just kind of starting off with a Hey.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I have this thing, and sometimes
Megan Griffith (she/her): I I don't function in the way that you might expect me to, and I might need a certain
Megan Griffith (she/her): change in how we approach that. Would you be comfortable in talking about what that change could look like for that specific thing? And that's just a great way to kind of approach it, maybe on something something small, like
Megan Griffith (she/her): cleaning, you know. You know, I I enjoy having a clean, a, a clean, living space. You know I I like that. But sometimes I struggle
Megan Griffith (she/her): to do that. Here are the things that I do to
Megan Griffith (she/her): get myself to do it. But
Megan Griffith (she/her): maybe there's something we could talk about about a way that we that
Megan Griffith (she/her): we could make that easier for me, you know, something like that.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Yeah, no, that makes a lot of sense. I know I have a 1 on one coaching client who actually just recently graduated from coaching. But
Megan Griffith (she/her): she is on the dating apps. And she's like, Okay, I don't want to put the fact that I'm autistic on the dating apps, because too many people won't understand. And they'll automatically not like they could be my soul mate, but just because they don't know anything about autism, they might not swipe whatever direction. And so what she did, though, is she put little things that kind of indicate her autism on there like on her profile?
Megan Griffith (she/her): I don't remember exactly what they were, but it was something like enjoys organizing laundry by color, or, like, you know, like little things that are more the quirky side of autism. Obviously she didn't put like. I have meltdowns where I freak out and like throw things, even though that is true, like she didn't put that in a dating profile. But anyway, so like she did little things here and there, or like one of them, I think, was like, if you chew weird, we are not going to be a match, you know, like stuff like that. So that
Megan Griffith (she/her): yeah, I'll vacuum all day. But the rest. Yeah, no, I hate all of it. I really. I don't know if there's any cleaning that I'm like, even semi. Okay with. I hate it all.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I don't mind like the little tidying here and there. I which I'm sure it feels like it surprises you. But I do a lot of little tidying. It's just that the kids are chaos machines. But anyway, anyway, focusing but so I had a client who like sort of
Megan Griffith (she/her): teased her autism on her dating profile. So like that's 1 thing. And then
Megan Griffith (she/her): Oh, I had another thought based on what you were saying about like disclosure. And
Megan Griffith (she/her): oh, oh, have you guys seen? There's
Megan Griffith (she/her): i'll see, if I can find the podcast episode and I'll send it out with the replay of this. But there's a podcast episode where this relationship, anarchist is talking about
Megan Griffith (she/her): like a pre date survey and a post date survey. And it's like the most autistic thing I've ever heard of. And it's literally amazing. I love it because this person's like, how the hell am I supposed to know what kind of date to plan this is dumb? I shouldn't have to be making assumptions. This is ridiculous. I'm just gonna send you a survey, and we're going to do something we both enjoy so that we're both comfortable so that we can get to know each other, which is the whole fucking point of the date, instead of like.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I hate this. I wish we weren't here. I'm cold. I wish we were doing something, you know. And then there's a post date survey where it's like, Hey, genuinely. Do you want to see each other again? What about the date. Did you enjoy like? Were there any like preferences you didn't realize you had until we did something that went against them? You know all that stuff so
Megan Griffith (she/her): highly recommend that if we if I were dating and had heard about that, I immediately would have done that for sure like, for sure, that sounds great. I think that would have been fantastic to receive. I would never do that. But to get that would be great. See? Okay, Expander, this is a neurotypical person who would appreciate a very autistic behavior. Like, I think that's awesome. Yeah, I think I think that's
Megan Griffith (she/her): very nice to be honest and upfront in a way, that's.
Megan Griffith (she/her): you know, just helpful and authentic. Yeah, yeah.
Megan Griffith (she/her): yeah, that's so. Me, I mean, it's honest. Yeah, exactly.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Alright. Well, we are coming up on the last like 10 min. And I wanna make sure we answer any questions you guys had, did you guys? I know we've talked a lot but I guess that's kind of the point of this. But I just wanna make sure if there's any questions you guys get to ask them
Megan Griffith (she/her): there anything that you wanted to make sure people knew about dating a neurotypical person.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Hmm, I highly recommend it. See, this is what I mean. He likes himself. It's weird.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I mean, that's great. I like you, too. I'm glad you do. It's just baffling. It's all I don't know. I think we're pretty good.
Megan Griffith (she/her): just like, you know we're not a monolith or anything. But right? Yeah, nobody does.
Megan Griffith (she/her): But yeah, I do like myself. I'm sorry. No, don't apologize. I love it. I do it just. I really thought you were lying for the 1st like year. It's true.
Megan Griffith (she/her): very confusing.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Yeah. And you and your sister always made fun of me for having a consistent sense of self here.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Yeah, that's weird.
Megan Griffith (she/her): You're like, just be yourself and me and my younger sister are like, what does that mean? Like I. Which self, what are you talking about?
Megan Griffith (she/her): My partner wants to know what video games you like? Oh, all kinds. Right now I've been obsessed with marvel rivals. I can't stop playing it. It's so fun I play with my friends every Wednesday night, for, like 2 or 3 h. Usually it is a blast. But beyond, you know, playing with friends and stuff, I like a lot of narrative games and a lot of stories. Just good. I'm a sucker for a good story. Good puzzle, good challenge.
Megan Griffith (she/her): one that combined a lot of that that I just played for the 1st time recently was Sekiro shadows die twice. That was a blast. You watched me play that, and we're like, I don't know how you enjoy this, because it was like
Megan Griffith (she/her): there are some games you play. I'm like, I get this like the Horizon series. I'm like, of course I do love the Horizon series. Aloy is the best, but you made a d and d character based off of. I did make it for a while it was awesome. But then, yeah, Sekiro, I did not understand that at all.
Megan Griffith (she/her): No, it's great it's from soft game. So like a dark souls. A souls born. And I my favorite way that I've heard it described is, it's like walking into a brick wall over and over again until you break the brick wall with your bloodied face.
Megan Griffith (she/her): It's terrible. That's not fun experience. You just get better and better at it over and over, losing over and over again, so
Megan Griffith (she/her): like that Sekiro also sucker for Nintendo love pokemon again. If we could tilt the camera a little bit that way you'd see my Hylian shield. I love legend of Zella.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Huge fan of
Megan Griffith (she/her): huge, huge variety, I think you know, and I'd love to get you to play some more. I got her to play Portal 2 in college Portal one. I played a little bit. I did love Portal.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Yeah, that's my type of humor.
Megan Griffith (she/her): so I'd love to get her to play some more every now and again, you know, Stray, I played a little bit of stray. It was really fun. Yeah, you like you like cats, I do. They're cute. I'm very allergic. So video game cats are the only ones I can hang around. I've bought. It takes 2 on 2 different consoles for us to play, but we just haven't had time yet.
Megan Griffith (she/her): That I would love for us. To play split fiction would be another fun one for us. I would love that. I'm a writer, I'd be all about that. Yeah. So well, you'd be upset. The writing. The writing isn't great, but the game mechanics is really good. It's about writers. Yeah, that's what I mean. It's about writers.
Megan Griffith (she/her): you bet. Cats is hogwarts. Legacy. Oh, adorable! Not not a fan of giving Jk. Rowling money to be honest, but also I get it.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I can't wait to watch this back and write down all the game names I love it. Did you see? Switch to yay, or nay, I don't know what that means. Oh, yeah, absolutely. I'm so excited for the switch to that should be fantastic. I'm just sad that we're not going to be able to pre-order anything or really know what it's going to cost in the United States because of the the tariffs. So
Megan Griffith (she/her): yay, but I'm excited for it, and I hope I can get one for a reasonable cost. Yeah, yeah.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Oh, okay, she's not affiliated with it. That helps. I mean. I know
Megan Griffith (she/her): something she has said. Not that we're not going to dig it, you know what? Never mind, we're just not going to dig into the jk, rowling bullshit. We're just not going to give her our time. But yeah, so any other games that are coming to mind for you, I'm trying to think what you you've been playing a lot of horizon lately. Oh, tell them, how many times did you play persona? 5? I
Megan Griffith (she/her): there are 2 games I played persona 5 twice. Okay, but I also played persona royale twice.
Megan Griffith (she/her): So we played the same game 4 times. Nope, they're different games. Barely.
Megan Griffith (she/her): There's a whole extra season.
Megan Griffith (she/her): They're a whole extra, you know. Semester
Megan Griffith (she/her): in Royal. It's extra story. It adds to it.
Megan Griffith (she/her): It's the same gig with a Dlc. That's all. No, it's also mechanically very different. It's approximately a
Megan Griffith (she/her): 200 h narrative. Jrpg, that's really good. It is actually. But still, 5 times I did play the game 4 times to see all of the content and to get all the achievements. You're an achievement, hunter, all the way you cannot. You cannot not
Megan Griffith (she/her): have a completed it's yeah. I you like to describe it as I like to check boxes. He does. It's hilarious. Do like to check boxes.
Megan Griffith (she/her): That's probably one of your only like, really strongly, maybe not. So neurotypical traits is like your affinity for box checking. I feel like that's not super neurotypical, but that's really it, you know. Possibly, yeah. I like a challenge. I like to complete a puzzle and fill it all in.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Yeah.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I love video games. But I'm so bad at them. That's me. I can't. I didn't play them as a kid, so I don't have that like muscle memory. So I'm like constantly looking down, and by the time I look up I've died, so that's not great.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Can you touch a bit on how you navigate meltdowns? Oh, so no excuse.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I guess I played as a kid, but it was like the you know, the game boy or the gamecube like it's just so different. I never played like playstation. I guess so, anyway. But navigating meltdowns, I guess
Megan Griffith (she/her): I'm trying to think so. The last time I had a meltdown was.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I think, because of the Tiktok Ban, because I have a lot of like stress around Tiktok and
Megan Griffith (she/her): I was like I shared something about my feelings, and I felt that my feelings were not very like well received. I felt a little dismissed, I guess.
Megan Griffith (she/her): and it like triggered, triggered. This cascade effect from like I feel dismissed. I've always been dismissed. Nobody's safe. I'm not safe meltdown right like just whoosh! It just happened very quickly, so I like slammed the door immediately burst into tears. I started angry. Eft tapping. I was like slamming my hand like I'm so angry.
Megan Griffith (she/her): And then Adam walks in. He's like, Are you okay? Cause you just like slammed the door, like, you know, not accusatory, but also not like super gentle like, Hey, you, we we don't do this, and I was like, okay.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I'm mad. I yes, I had guessed as much. I was like, Okay, no, but it's important that I say it because I haven't said it. I just slammed a door instead, and he was like, No, you're right, and so I was like, I need a minute. I'm too mad right now. And so he left. I sat in this room. I did my eft tapping. That's a big way I handle meltdowns now is eft, is. It's so soothing like even doing it right now. I feel so good like it's so soothing.
Megan Griffith (she/her): so eft is a really big way that I can come down from
Megan Griffith (she/her): a meltdown and like how activated I feel. Another way to come down a little bit is like ice. I've talked about this on a couple of platforms, I think, but, like
Megan Griffith (she/her): Adam got me this like compression thing, it looks like there's a nipple on my head. It's a migraine cap is what you can Google. But it's like a compression cap that you can put in the freezer. So you put it on. It's cold and tight, and it feels so good. But
Megan Griffith (she/her): You can also like, if you're in more of a fighting mood you're like, I don't want to feel better. I want to fight God! What that's true. But you can grab like ice cubes, and if you have a back patio you can chuck them at the patio. If you don't, you can chuck them at your bathtub. I might wear like goggles if you're going to do that, because it's more of an enclosed space. But
Megan Griffith (she/her): You can break stuff without breaking things you're going to regret. I think that's a really helpful one for me. I started that in college by throwing rocks at our futon, and then I missed, and one I shattered a rock, and I was like, I am maybe too mad. So.
Megan Griffith (she/her): But yeah, I think that's kind of how I handle meltdowns now is like throwing ice
Megan Griffith (she/her): using ice on my face eft tapping.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I do a lot of big journaling like, so I ignore the lines. And I'm just like this is stupid. And I like, you know, write like 6 words per page. And I just like I call it big journaling where I'm just like these are my feelings, and they're going to take up as much goddamn space as they want to thank you very much, and that does. It helps. It helps, I think.
Megan Griffith (she/her): if you can pinpoint what triggered the meltdown, then you can soothe that particular thing so like with
Megan Griffith (she/her): the the Tiktok ban, I felt dismissed, my feelings felt unimportant or irrelevant
Megan Griffith (she/her): again. Nothing. You really did it just.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I'm very, very sensitive to that stuff. And so
Megan Griffith (she/her): we talked about it, and we talked about it after. That's the other thing we talked about it after. As I say, all these things are ways to get you able to talk calm enough in a space where we can have a conversation. And I'm
Megan Griffith (she/her): what I'm doing during all this is trying to a give you the space to do it. But also, sometimes you're so frustrated and upset and in the meltdown and in your own.
Megan Griffith (she/her): in your own feelings and thoughts, that it doesn't occur to you to do these things sometimes that you're just spiraling, and it'd be like, Okay.
Megan Griffith (she/her): put the compression cap on.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Go sit down and journal. Go take some time,
Megan Griffith (she/her): maybe making from from my side, just making those suggestions, you know. Not always well received. But no, and and that's fine. I know that they're not always going to be well received. And you know
Megan Griffith (she/her): also it matters. It's like I'm having a meltdown, and you're giving me homework in the middle of it. And I'm like, this is stupid, and I know that's like right now I'm like, no, that's not what he's doing. He's trying to make you feel better. But it's like, I think, especially those of us with invalidation. Trauma feel like feeling better. Feels like just get over it, even though it's not what you're saying. We talk about this a lot, how I project past experiences with love onto him and the way he's showing me love, and we have to talk through this like.
Megan Griffith (she/her): That's not what I said, and I mean what I say. So if I didn't say it, I didn't mean it like he walks me through that logic loop a lot. And I'm like, Okay, okay, yeah, there'll be a lot of times where you'll repeat back something
Megan Griffith (she/her): in the meanest possible interpretation of what I said that I you could possibly get and be like, okay, that's not what I said, not what one that's not work for what I said, and 2, that's definitely not what I meant, and if it came off that way I apologize.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Let's walk through what I meant
Megan Griffith (she/her): a lot of the times. That's that, even when we're talking about it, that I think that happens a lot where you know
Megan Griffith (she/her): I'm maybe not picking my words carefully enough, because maybe I'm upset, too, you know. Sometimes we're fighting. We're both upset, and you know I but the goal is us against the problem. It's never to hurt each other. It's so.
Megan Griffith (she/her): If I hear that I have hurt you, I want to apologize and figure out a way to convey what I mean
Megan Griffith (she/her): better in a way that isn't going to hurt you. Even when I'm upset. That is my goal.
Megan Griffith (she/her): And I think for those of you who are like, okay. But sometimes when I'm in a meltdown, I do want to hurt the other person a little. It's like, okay.
Megan Griffith (she/her): the way, because I get those impulses, too. And the way I try to manage it, I think pretty successfully. I don't think I intentionally hurt you in fights very often, right? Okay, but I get that impulse sometimes. And so the way that I tend to handle it is like, okay, especially doing parts work. More recently, I'm like, Okay, there is a part who believes that
Megan Griffith (she/her): being able to do harm means that I have control.
Megan Griffith (she/her): And like.
Megan Griffith (she/her): that's what that part really needs this part does not need to hurt my partner in order to feel soothed in order to feel better in order to have control, it needs to feel a sense of agency. It needs to feel, heard, and seen.
Megan Griffith (she/her): It's hurting so badly. It thinks the only way to convey that hurt is to do harm. And like that is not true. You know it's not. There are other ways like a big one for us actually is like my poetry, weirdly like. Remember, when you read my thesis, and you were like, I did not know you felt this way, and I'm like, I've told you this a million times he's like, not in these words, and like.
Megan Griffith (she/her): so that's that's been helpful. Sometimes I just like hand him my writing, or like I said. Sometimes I text him like all the time, and that really helps convey your feelings a lot more sometimes than I think. Speaking, I think I'm clear out loud, but I'm not.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I mean you are. It just may. It just doesn't resonate with me sometimes with the way that you're writing does. It's not necessarily that you're clear it's just I don't always. I don't have the same experiences as you, so I don't always understand the way that you're you're talking about it. But for some reason, when you write about it, you're able to be more descriptive. And yeah.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I guess, put more emotions into it. I think sometimes that makes sense
Megan Griffith (she/her): I love this communication is so key in relationships of any kind, I hope to find that I hope you do, too. Yeah, I hope you find that there's someone out there for you. I think there's someone out there for everybody. Yeah, we were talking last night about how like your person is not necessarily someone you find it's someone you choose, like. Again and again, I think that's nice. Yeah, I mean.
Megan Griffith (she/her): yeah.
Megan Griffith (she/her): true love is a choice, you know. Love every day is you have to choose it. It's not something that just happens that you fall into.
Megan Griffith (she/her): You know that we've been together for going on 15 years. You know
Megan Griffith (she/her): the butterflies, you know those are great, but that's not what sustains you, you know. That's that gets your foot in the door that gets you interest, but then you have to choose to love each other every day, whether it's good, bad, or ugly.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I still get the butterfly. Oh, absolutely. They're nice. I don't want to say that they're gone. Yeah, they're nice, but they're not the bread and butter. Yeah, they're not. You know, the bedrock of our relationship. Yeah, that's true. That's true. I feel like the bedrock is really just like a fundamental understanding that like.
Megan Griffith (she/her): have I shown you the Burton Ernie meme? That's sounds very much. It's great. It's Bert and Ernie. And they're walking together, and it says, to love someone is to attend a thousand births of who they're becoming. Oh, that's really adorable. I know it makes me happy. And so I feel like that's kind of the bedrock of our relationship is like, you're going to change. I'm going to change. And we want to change together. Yeah.
Megan Griffith (she/her): yeah. And and I think.
Megan Griffith (she/her): understanding that we're not always gonna understand each other. Yeah, just and understanding to, not to
Megan Griffith (she/her): an understanding, to not understand, but also not
Megan Griffith (she/her): misunderstand. Yes, that's so confusing. But yes, I know I'm sorry way to say it, but you know I'm not always going to understand your experience, but I'm going to actively work very hard to not misinterpret your experience and misunderstand it. I'm going to work very hard to
Megan Griffith (she/her): see it as best I can from the experience point that I have. Yeah, I love that. Thank you for rewording that. Yeah, I'm sorry I was stringing a thought together in my head, and it just it didn't quite coalesce. Yeah.
Megan Griffith (she/her): all right. So we're about 5 min over. So I want to respect your time, and I know it's getting late for a lot of us. So are there any last minute, like rapid fire, lightning questions that you want to make sure get answered before we go.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Anything. Anything?
Megan Griffith (she/her): None from you. Okay. Yeah.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Good to meet you, too. It's been a blast.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Okay.
Megan Griffith (she/her): I just, I always feel bad because I'm like, Oh, there's no questions. And then I go to hit close. And then, like a question pops up because they were typing. And I'm like, Oh, so okay.
Megan Griffith (she/her): okay, most people are just saying thanks. And it was fun. That's great. Thanks for another great session. Yeah, tomorrow night is just hot seat coaching. So again, bring your questions. It'll just be me tomorrow. But I'll just answer all the things about audio. HD. Relationships. Happy to talk about marriage, how that's different from dating and all that good stuff like, I said, I don't have the best dating advice because we did meet pretty young. But
Megan Griffith (she/her): if you're like in a well, I don't know. I was. Gonna say, you could tell them about your other previous dating experiences before me. After about that
Megan Griffith (she/her): tomorrow, don't I went on. 2 dates, yeah, 2 whole dates, and they're both embarrassing as hell. They were great. You should ask her about so autistic.
Megan Griffith (she/her): like you said there were signs. There were signs. There were science. I encourage you to ask her about their fun stories. Oh, my, gosh, they were both named Dan. That's really funny, anyway. All right. Yeah, we can talk about that tomorrow. But everybody. Thank you so much for coming, Adam. Thank you for coming. Of course I'm happy to be here anytime. Yeah, okay. I'll see you all tomorrow.
Megan Griffith (she/her): Good night, everybody. Good night. Everyone.